Musta na ang Valemtayms? Marami nanamang tao ang napaligaya (at narating ang langit) dahil sa araw na ito. Mr. M, balita ko ay meron kang inalayan ng rosas (at pag-ibig) ng araw na ito, totoo ba? So ano ang nangyari? Magkwento ka naman. Share! Share! Share! Si Katie naman eh biglang naging pambato sa American Idol. Me fan base ka na dito sa exile island, di ka na talaga maabot. Sayang nga lang sana nandun si Competence para narinig man lang sana niya ang iyong puso umaawit. Stacy's mom.... (name at cp number daw nung cutie na kasama mo sa stage sabi ni ____)
Roses, roses, roses haaay masarap ung feeling na makita mo ang iyong iniirog na hawak-hawak niya ang mga bulaklak (lalo na siguro kung nakatanggap siya ng bulaklak na hindi niya alam kung kanino galing, ang nakalagay lang ay isang titik P). Dahil dun, isang linggo ako todo budget, bakit pa kasi sobrang mahal ng bulaklak sa araw na iyon (ang tanga-tanga mo kasi Bebe, merong 364 days eh bakit sa araw na iyon mo pa napiling bumili ng mga rosas) Aba malay ko ba na merong isang naglalako ng tinapay na me toppings (pizza hut) ang magkakainteres din sa prinsesa ko. Nalingat lang ako sandali eh yun na aabutan ko. Masakit pala makita din na merong nagbigay ng nagiisang pulang rosas sa babaeng minamahal mo (ayan napilitan tuloy si Bebe gumastos ng 500 Php para sa rosas at mga abubut). Bukod sa gastos, biglang umandar ang utak ko sa lahat ng planong pede kong gawin para pantayan o mahigitan man lang ang ginawa ng kumag na iyon. Bakit pa kasi 4am pa siya dadating nung araw na iyon, bat 5am pa ang start ng shift nya, bakit pa siya nagpumilit na lumipat ng pizza hut, WHY?????? Yan ang mga tanong na pilit kong sinagot sa buong maghapon habang naghahanap ng chemist in staffordhire, flowershop in oundle at kung anu-ano pa. Buti na lang pumasa ako sa QA kung hindi patay, double black eye.
Heto meron akong tanong sa inyo, paano mo ba liligawan ang isang kaibigan? Ayoko ko kasing isugal ang pagkakaibigan para sa pagkaka-ibigan. Nung huling ginawa ko ito eh olats, walang nagyari (naging friend with benefit nga lang pero yoko na ng ganun).
Nagbabago na nga ako ng pakonti-konti eh (900mb na ang free space sa isa kong memory stick, 500mb dun sa isa, at 1gb dun sa isa pa, less 700mb ang laman ng phone ko, at kung anu-ano pang bagay ang ginagawa ko para magbagong buhay. yan ang nagagawa ng pag-ibig (lintik ang mga collection kong iniingat-ingatan eh poof! it became koko crunch...) meron pa akong 2 cd na kung sino man ang me gusto (at me dvd player) ay sa kanya na iyon.
Sa kabilang dako, nakakamiss din pala kayo. Literal na lonely is the night na ang feeling dito, kung hindi brokeback sightings ang malapit sa akin eh IF (imaginary friend) ang tinatabi ko sa akin. Hahay pero hindi ako nagrereklamo ok? Baka meron nanaman magwala diyan at tumaas ang dugo sa 200/150 eh maging kargo de konsyensya ko pa. Huling balita ko eh wala daw plano mag stage ng isa pang refresher course para sa isang tao lang (magastos daw kasi ung trainer babayaran). Well at least top team ulit tayo. ^_^
17.2.09
observations
Note: I posted this in my blog, just sharing
Since I transferred to SMS, I noticed several things around me. These are the things that anyone would realize if they would just pay attention to their surroundings:
1. People usually stammer when they speak. I don't know if they are having a hard time trying to figure out the right words to say or is it because they have poor vocabulary. At least, A for effort.
2. There are some people who seem that they don't know what they are doing. Which is weird because they had their training right?
3. There are some odd characters around like Rhianna the Horse, Brokeback Sightings, Harry F****r & Aristotle. Weirdest would be LA Lopez. Damn!
4. Any one can try to be posh but at least look & speak the part.
5. The cross trained people are the noisiest, because they know how to speak the English language fluently and sometimes with an accent.
6. People brag about how long they have been in the account, how long have they been in the company?
7. Some people don't know how to spell & construct correct grammar, please take note that the word MESSAGE is spelled with two S and that it is HOW SURE ARE YOU and it is not HOW SURE YOU ARE.
8. People seems smart until they talk.
I know it's rude but, this is me talking. hehehe
Since I transferred to SMS, I noticed several things around me. These are the things that anyone would realize if they would just pay attention to their surroundings:
1. People usually stammer when they speak. I don't know if they are having a hard time trying to figure out the right words to say or is it because they have poor vocabulary. At least, A for effort.
2. There are some people who seem that they don't know what they are doing. Which is weird because they had their training right?
3. There are some odd characters around like Rhianna the Horse, Brokeback Sightings, Harry F****r & Aristotle. Weirdest would be LA Lopez. Damn!
4. Any one can try to be posh but at least look & speak the part.
5. The cross trained people are the noisiest, because they know how to speak the English language fluently and sometimes with an accent.
6. People brag about how long they have been in the account, how long have they been in the company?
7. Some people don't know how to spell & construct correct grammar, please take note that the word MESSAGE is spelled with two S and that it is HOW SURE ARE YOU and it is not HOW SURE YOU ARE.
8. People seems smart until they talk.
I know it's rude but, this is me talking. hehehe
8.2.09
Top 10 things guys should know before courting a girl
Repost.
Dahil Valemtayms nah. Para eto sa mga Mavericks guys.
Courtship is probably one of the most exciting stages in a relationship. It's when you get to know a little bit more of each other and see if everything will work out between the two of you. But some things are not really bound to happen. But the best that you can do is to take a crack at it instead of wondering in the end of what might have been. Kaya maraming lalake ang nanliligaw sa crush nila kahit alam nilang wala silang kapag-a-pag-asa. At kung isa ka sa kanila, eto'ng mga dapat mong malaman brother.
1. Dapat tuli ka na. Mahiya ka naman kung hindi pa tapos pumoporma ka na.
2. Huwag mong tatanungin kung, "Pwede ba kitang ligawan?" E kung umayaw kaagad, tapos ang boxing, KO ka kaagad.
3. Kailangan mo ng self-confidence at at least 100 drafts ng love letters para hindi ka maubusan.
4. Be a gentleman pero wag kang magpapaalipin. Okay lang na buhatin mo ang bag niya, gawin ang assignments/projects, ipagluto ng ulam, ipag-igib ng tubig sa poso, ipaglaba at ipagplantsa ng mga damit pero WAG NA WAG kang magpapaalipin.
5. Magbigay ka ng chocolates because it's a "happy" food. It won't matter kung Cadbury, Ferrero, Hershey's o Goya lang yan, chocolate pa rin naman.
6. Magbigay ka ng bulaklak lalo na ng rose. Red kung mahal mo siya. White kung ang alay mo ay katapatan. Yellow naman kung friendship. Pink kung puppy love lang. Lavender kung na-love at first sight ka.
7. Magbaon ka ng maraming kwento para naman hindi ka boring kausap.
8. Wag kang masisindak kung may karibal ka na mas gwapo at mas mayaman sayo. Cool ka lang. Isumbong mo kay mommy kapag nakakalamang na siya.
9. Be patient at wag na wag mo siyang hihiritan ng, "I love you na, kelan mo ba ako sasagutin?" kung ayaw mong masaktan.
10. Pimple. Kailangan mo ng pimple upang mapatunayan na type mo talaga ang nililigawan mo. Kapag tinubuan ka na sa mukha, putukin mo kaagad para tumubo ulit at i-maintain mo.
Dahil Valemtayms nah. Para eto sa mga Mavericks guys.
Courtship is probably one of the most exciting stages in a relationship. It's when you get to know a little bit more of each other and see if everything will work out between the two of you. But some things are not really bound to happen. But the best that you can do is to take a crack at it instead of wondering in the end of what might have been. Kaya maraming lalake ang nanliligaw sa crush nila kahit alam nilang wala silang kapag-a-pag-asa. At kung isa ka sa kanila, eto'ng mga dapat mong malaman brother.
1. Dapat tuli ka na. Mahiya ka naman kung hindi pa tapos pumoporma ka na.
2. Huwag mong tatanungin kung, "Pwede ba kitang ligawan?" E kung umayaw kaagad, tapos ang boxing, KO ka kaagad.
3. Kailangan mo ng self-confidence at at least 100 drafts ng love letters para hindi ka maubusan.
4. Be a gentleman pero wag kang magpapaalipin. Okay lang na buhatin mo ang bag niya, gawin ang assignments/projects, ipagluto ng ulam, ipag-igib ng tubig sa poso, ipaglaba at ipagplantsa ng mga damit pero WAG NA WAG kang magpapaalipin.
5. Magbigay ka ng chocolates because it's a "happy" food. It won't matter kung Cadbury, Ferrero, Hershey's o Goya lang yan, chocolate pa rin naman.
6. Magbigay ka ng bulaklak lalo na ng rose. Red kung mahal mo siya. White kung ang alay mo ay katapatan. Yellow naman kung friendship. Pink kung puppy love lang. Lavender kung na-love at first sight ka.
7. Magbaon ka ng maraming kwento para naman hindi ka boring kausap.
8. Wag kang masisindak kung may karibal ka na mas gwapo at mas mayaman sayo. Cool ka lang. Isumbong mo kay mommy kapag nakakalamang na siya.
9. Be patient at wag na wag mo siyang hihiritan ng, "I love you na, kelan mo ba ako sasagutin?" kung ayaw mong masaktan.
10. Pimple. Kailangan mo ng pimple upang mapatunayan na type mo talaga ang nililigawan mo. Kapag tinubuan ka na sa mukha, putukin mo kaagad para tumubo ulit at i-maintain mo.
7.2.09
I was bored yesterday...
Note: I copied Jun's explanation in his blog when he was explaining that he's NOT emo.
This is my idea if Jun & Inday would clash...
Jun v Inday
Inday: I think that you are emo! Stop pretending that you are not because your effort is pathetic.
Jun: For the record, I AM NOT EMO. Why? Just because I listen to it doesn't mean I am it. Secondly, I have recently developed a distaste for the current mainstream music, since it used the term far beyond its original intentions. Back then in the late 90's, being 'emo' is synonymous with being 'underground', 'indie', or 'cool'. Sadly, times changed. Third, and most important, the most ironic thing I hear nowadays is how you can easily tell what music a certain person listens to just by looking at how he/she wears. For me, that's just bullshit. If you're trying to be against all forms of authority, why wear this emo fashion like a fucking uniform? That's not rebellion; that's conformity; the same type of conformity that convent-bred schoolgirls adhere to. In the words of Rob Dobi, creator of yourscenesucks.com, and the images I used here:
This is my idea if Jun & Inday would clash...
Jun v Inday
Inday: I think that you are emo! Stop pretending that you are not because your effort is pathetic.
Jun: For the record, I AM NOT EMO. Why? Just because I listen to it doesn't mean I am it. Secondly, I have recently developed a distaste for the current mainstream music, since it used the term far beyond its original intentions. Back then in the late 90's, being 'emo' is synonymous with being 'underground', 'indie', or 'cool'. Sadly, times changed. Third, and most important, the most ironic thing I hear nowadays is how you can easily tell what music a certain person listens to just by looking at how he/she wears. For me, that's just bullshit. If you're trying to be against all forms of authority, why wear this emo fashion like a fucking uniform? That's not rebellion; that's conformity; the same type of conformity that convent-bred schoolgirls adhere to. In the words of Rob Dobi, creator of yourscenesucks.com, and the images I used here:
"Everyone seems to be involved in some sort of strange contest where the winner wears the tightest jeans, puts on the silliest looking makeup, and sports the worst haircut. In the end, everyone loses. You all end up looking the same."
See what I mean?
EMO IS NOT A FUCKING FASHION SHOW. IT ISN'T ABOUT BITCHING ABOUT HOW PATHETIC YOUR LIFE IS, IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, IT'S NOT FUCKING GAY, AND MOST IMPORTANT: IT'S NOTHING ABOUT SLITTING YOUR FUCKING WRISTS!!!
in
Inday: Nakatulog sa haba ng sinabi ni Jun
in
Inday: Nakatulog sa haba ng sinabi ni Jun
Sa mga Mavericks,
Ilang oras na lang at babalik na din tayo sa ating pinanggalingan. Labag man sa ating kalooban ay wala naman tayong magagawa tungkol dito. Kahit ano pa man ang sabihin ng hinayupak na management of HR ay susundin natin sila ngunit ang trabaho natin ay hindi natin gusto. Half-hearted ika nga ang magiging trabaho natin simula ngayong lunes, mas gugustuhin ata nila na ang empleyado ay nagtratrabaho ng labag sa kagustuhan at wala sa rurok ng kanyang potensyal kesa sa isang empleyadong inspirado, palaging isangdaang porsyento ang binibigay.
Sa maikling panahon na tayo ay nagkasama-sama ay masasabi ko na naging isang pamilya tayo. Merong intriga, bangayan at tampuhan ngunit ito ay normal lamang sa isang pamilya. Kinumpleto niyo ang aking mundo sa pamamalahi ko sa sms. Ngayong DA na naman ako, nasa mundo nanaman ako ng walang pakialaman, ni hindi ko kakilala ang iba kong mga kateam dati pati mga katabi kong cubicle ay mga aliens. Hahay buhay nga naman.
Siguro hanggang dito na muna, intayin ninyo bukas ang isa ko pang post (wala kasi word pad dito o notepad man kaya).
P.S
Tang-ina niy0 accounting naging DA na ako muli, hindi niyo pa binabalik ang discerpancies ninyo sa akin! Isususmpa ko kayo hanggang sa kailaliman ng impyerno!
BeBe PaoPao
(Currently on 3rd base, last inning - sarap talagang umuwi!)
Ilang oras na lang at babalik na din tayo sa ating pinanggalingan. Labag man sa ating kalooban ay wala naman tayong magagawa tungkol dito. Kahit ano pa man ang sabihin ng hinayupak na management of HR ay susundin natin sila ngunit ang trabaho natin ay hindi natin gusto. Half-hearted ika nga ang magiging trabaho natin simula ngayong lunes, mas gugustuhin ata nila na ang empleyado ay nagtratrabaho ng labag sa kagustuhan at wala sa rurok ng kanyang potensyal kesa sa isang empleyadong inspirado, palaging isangdaang porsyento ang binibigay.
Sa maikling panahon na tayo ay nagkasama-sama ay masasabi ko na naging isang pamilya tayo. Merong intriga, bangayan at tampuhan ngunit ito ay normal lamang sa isang pamilya. Kinumpleto niyo ang aking mundo sa pamamalahi ko sa sms. Ngayong DA na naman ako, nasa mundo nanaman ako ng walang pakialaman, ni hindi ko kakilala ang iba kong mga kateam dati pati mga katabi kong cubicle ay mga aliens. Hahay buhay nga naman.
Siguro hanggang dito na muna, intayin ninyo bukas ang isa ko pang post (wala kasi word pad dito o notepad man kaya).
P.S
Tang-ina niy0 accounting naging DA na ako muli, hindi niyo pa binabalik ang discerpancies ninyo sa akin! Isususmpa ko kayo hanggang sa kailaliman ng impyerno!
BeBe PaoPao
(Currently on 3rd base, last inning - sarap talagang umuwi!)
6.2.09
I am stufid. by: _twilayt_
Repost. Repost ito.Muntik na ako magmukang tanga sa jeep habang binabasa ito sa multiply ko. (syempre sosyal ako eh, my internet ako sa phone .)
Ito ay lista ng mga makapagdamdamin at nakakasabog ihing Friendster profilessss... Dahil malungkot ang mundo at tumutulo ang uhog ng Mavericks dahil sa kalungkutan, ito ay para satin. Dinededicate ko ito kay Franco na wlang ibang alam kundi maging MEAN sa mga taong may maling grammar. Haha!
Loveyou guys...
_twilayt_
1) Ayumi
Occupation: student
Companies: rockers companies! [weh. weh lang talaga. poser ka amp.]
Hobby: chating!! [as in the sound effects. you know... chating! chating!]
wants to meet "pretty girls!! only!! hehes!!" [bat kaya "hehes"? baka kasi plural kasi madami ung tawa nya. shyet.]
2) -GEniE Lou-
aBouT me???? A persOn wHo is veRy conservative, have positive outlook in lyf, suMtyms I brEak pRomises dat can cause someone angry w/ me... [can you promise to speak in english?? can you?? can you??] im very productive person... everytime i do some task or deeds i will make a plan 1st b4 i go 4 it. im very fond! [oh gawd, she's fond!] in listening 2 musizzzz im da type of person dat tells frankly [Tells Frankly what? What!? Anong sinabi mo kay Frankly!?!?]
who i want to meet?????? so there it goes... [where?? where does it go?] *a person dat can give advices 2 me f i want some support. i mostly hate person nga snobbish kau* [kawawa naman si person. snobbish kasi e. yan. hate ka na nya]
3) jOnah-nUevE 'kikAy fOe RiL'
Companies: oN mAh hiStOry.. wYL i WAs On A mAll hOppiNg... [kawawang mall. inapakan.] sUmvody GAve mE A stArstruck fOrM... [sumvody. lufit.] HAhA! itz kinDA wEiRD.... wAtZ uP wit dAt huH? [Kelangan daw ng comic relief eh...]
4) -aNnA-
MaArtE,SEnSItive, SuPlAdITa, FRiEnDly, fAshiOnIStA, KikAy, AtTraCtiVe AnD EveRytHinG NiCE THaT Was Me!! [Ibig sabihin, nagbago na sia...] MaTaLinO (ThEReS No OnE IN THiS WoRLd hAs stUpId MiNDs) [Weh...di nga?] mAaRte aKo PeRo InDi AkO mAlAnDE-jUZ DOn'T EvEr jUdGe Me cOz yOu dONt mE aT AlL.... [I don't you...you don't me...we don't each other...word deletion's in nowadays] AND ..... YoU MuZ ReMEmBeR eVeRYtHinGs hAs a reAsONS [bkt ayaw mo tigilan ang S!!!] ..... DoNt! DArE mE COz YoU DoNt knOw wHaT CaN I dO SoMe peopLe dOnT UnDErSTaNd WhAT Is my aTtItUde BUt dOnT JuDgE aNyOnE... i pRoTeCT my fRieNdS...aNd pRoTeCt YoUrs [so wait.. you're gonna protect MY FRIENDS too?? LABO.]
5) catherine joyii
Affiliations: Catholic [yun lang. bow.]
"dont lyk pipol hu r very: PLASTIKS, pa EPAL, LIARS and anything na mga BAD ATTITUDE I like hu r vry gud...!!! "and if u want me to ur friend, jaz aDD me uP" [nakakaiyak.]
6) alexandra rose sobida
About Her: long hair, bolding eyes [OH YES. bolding eyes are VERY attractive.], red lips and long life [HA?!.]
Who She Wants to Meet: a spiecial boy in my hole life forever and ever [sana typo ung "hole". sana.]
7) maria princesa
caption ng picture: "am i look good" [patay tayo jan!]
Affiliations: An roman catholic [religion ang nilagay sa affiliation count: 2]
Favorite TV Shows: OPHRA [OF-RA.]
About Her: Me......... hmmmmmm ...... simpl! e and always happy....... . i know you've get it... wants to meet "somebody who has a sense of humor and simple gets" [webster must be spinning in his grave.]
8) lito
Companies: wa lang. im just in the class room seating on my chair and flerting with gurls....... [Flert pla si pare...angas!]
TV Shows: Whos line is that? and teleseryes
About him: I am a 19 year old strait guy, and i love doing creative stuff and having fun.... entering personal relationships with girls and guys even gays is okey with me as long as they are mature and responsible enough to hundle [hundle baga.] a relationship. By the way!!! before, I was against bisexual relationships en even sexual intercoarses [Magaspang bro...] between same sexes, that was me before that memorable night happen to me when i was in 4th year highschool.. .. [Namakla pa amp...]
9) lady biolente [biolente bro...biolente.]
caption ng picture: "it's meh,panget koh d2 bat kya!!! hehehe" [Hmm... bakit nga kaya?]
Occupation: collage student [Bagong course. COLLAGING.]
About her: ahm.......about meeh!!!??? ATTITUDE? kind,suplada minsan.. pro most of da tym mabait meeeh..., makulit, lagi na nka-smyl ngaun... talented pa! i can dance. i can sing....i can fly basta ba my wings, eh...he!he!he! OUTLOOK? syempre maganda,noh! alangan nmn laitin k ang sarili koh... [alam kaya nia ibig sabihin ng 'outlook?'] height koh? 5'3'' ASSET KOH? my legs sbi nila.... taken na meehh....... ...should I say yes!? [ha? SAAN KA MAGYEYES?!]
10) Geneveve
Hobbies: watcing tv
About her: beutiful and honest
wants to meet... i want ta meet people is simple only [dazzit...]
11) christopher
Hobbies: lapping trip [Lap dancer?]; tambay; sound trip; gumala
My Looks: punkiztah [poseur 101]
12) masaaki
Hobbies and Interests: play guitar and to be band [Yun lang...to be band?]
About Him: cOoL... taLL.... sMarT.... & mO$t oF th! aT tRuth LovEr..... [Ayaw ng sinungaling] ha..ha...ha. ...ha.... .ha..... eVerythiNgs' trUth [Weh...di nga?]
13) gummibear
About Me:"im kaRReL.. iM a giRL hu oLweZ waNa b HappY buT jSt cnT b! I cAn eiTHer b sEriouS oR siLLy... liBeraTed,,fuN. .no worrieS.. iM a prActiCal woMan n I eiTHer Lose mY heart dAN my bRaiNS.. it'S harD 2 piCk uP d piEceS oF my liFe..,, veRy comPlicaTed. . buT noT noW.. i dNt bLiV iN dEsTinY iM abouT reALiTy., uR liFE iS in uR hAnds//// so uR d 1 hu coMpLicaTe iT...." [Putcha, pag naintindihan nio to...award.]
14) maricel
Favorite Book: The Purpose Driven in life [oh yes. i read that too. purpose driven in life. cool.]M! usic: fashions About Me: i'm maricel.. who loves serving the Lord...i love dancing.. singing... going beaches... outings.. goin out.. window shopping..
15) Breeks
Favorite Music: stay w/ cushe, the day u said gudnyt w/ hale, kahit pa w/ hale again, specialy 4 u w/ MYMP, tell me y it herts [it HERTS! god it herts!] w/ MYMP again, love moves in mysteriuos ways w/ NINA ehehehe!!!About Me: im a person n siryoso pro happy ksm en i dont like sa mga pipol n plastik gus2 ko ung dldl pro my sen ce ung cnsabi en real... im sure n mag kksundo tyo!!! Practically i want pretty girls but honestly i like mostly girls who are nice to accompany [accompany where?] and not malandi ...waaaaah i hope i cud fyn special one !!! [Fyn.]
16) Anthony
Affiliations: hardcore serial killer/frustrated assassin, computer addict [Nakupo mag-ingat kau rito...di lang sia twisted, di nia p alm kung ano ung affiliation]
Favorite Movie: Harry Potter all the movies that were already shown and including the one's that is still being made
Favorite Music: alternative, rock, mellow, pop, kahit ano basta hale o cueshe [you be the judge of this one] About Me: im just a person who sit's silently on one corner [Sabi sa inio twisted eh]
17) -pRettY cAng-
"me?? im just a simple girl... hmmm... sometimes im othistic" [Umamin na... nakaka OTHISTIC den ung spelling mo haha]
"when it comes to my character, i reflect myself as a conforming one because i have tested myself of doing things which anticipated to be done." [.... hand me that aspirin.]
18) SheZzO GraniTy
Hometown: AurOrA wEr CrimE iS OrGaniZeD En ThA RuLe 2 FoLLoW [IT'S OVER!!! World Heavyweight Champion of the World!!!]
Schools: sTa.cLarA wEr pLenTy oF mUrdErEr OccUrS [so. what murderer occured now?]
Affiliations: ThuG BaLLa bAbY oF kArEn rOsE [tama na koya...]
About Me: i CamE FrOm a SmaLL TowN wEr oL ThA GenGsTerS- kiLLahZ- DruG DeaLahZ- YounG bLoOdS- LiVin aLonE AnD biG TyM SinDiCaTe ArE OcCurS [Ano ba!? Are occurs! Are occurs! OCCURS!!!]
19) -lil LiZ-:
"rOcKeRz!! n pUnKz!!!! ASTIG!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!" [Still in Poseur 101 guys]
Affiliations: tEnNaGe LiFe!! [TENNAGE! Pag lumagpas na sa sampu ung age mo...pero bkt sa Affiliation nilagay?]
Favorite Movies: chukie 1 and 2 [CHUKIE!!! Mali n nga ung title, mali p pangalan nung bida]
20) -'kEiXi'-
Hometown: nAVOetAst [Bkt kc pinpaarte p ung spelling eh...]
About Me: aqOuh?.. cHimPle LAng [chimple...patay.] .. bUT cAn maKE yUr hEAd tURn [mala-Exorcist bro] ,, *HoTcHiC**sEXy dAw..cHAvii nG mGAh fWEnDz qEw [Malamang talo sa Spelling bee to] .. sVi qEw nAMn.. mAdAnDa aqEw.. maArTE?/..sObra ** hiHi.. nDi mHEii mAarTE.. kAla nYOuh lAng yUn,, kSHi cHigURo .. yU fOUnd mE.. wEAriNg uNiqUe eAriNgs..USing mAkEuP.. oWeYs lOoKing mY fACe in tHE mirror.. mAarTE bAh yUN?
who i want to meet: "xA aCcoUnt qEw..kHit cHiNU pwEde.. kHit ikA'y mUkhang .. tAtaNgAPEn kiTAh bsTAh bAH TEZti cOUh aAhh" [Yun eh! Testimonial pala ang habol]
21) PrEtty StEpS IV
Affiliations: vOLLeYBaLL pLaYeR, cOLLeGe sTuDeNt, pARt tiMe MoDeL (iN MAHdReaMZ) ChEEr DanCER & UR fRiEnDLiEsT nEiGhBoR iN ToWn [Lumaki sa Sesame Street bro.]
"I wud nEver faLL again fOr soMeOne he's hEad oVer heeLs wiTh iN Comes To A rELATIONShIP I am faiTHfuL aNd sweet I haTes aNd curSes pLayErs I am eMoTioNaL, I lisTens to My mind buT I stiLL foLLows My heart someone U Can tRUsT On
THANK YOU FOR PATRONIZING MY FRIENDSTER ACCOUNT LOVE YOU ALL [Yun eh...ta-artits]
22) -sTaY ovErLoaD-
Hometown: TaGuiG..ThE FLazE To bEE..MaHoGanY [THE FLAZE!!!]
Occupation: boniFiEd and cErTiFied HeavEn ringEr..aLpha MaN.. [WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!] Affiliations: aFiLL-FuLL and ThuguFuLL..ThEY r grEaT jusT 4 onE nigHT buT iM grEaT evErY nigHT!! [yun eh...bro affiliations plang tau...]
23) Jean
Affiliations: Cristianity [religion ang nilagay sa affiliation count: 3]
Who I Want to Meet: "be always respect the universal trademark clan within the highest organization" [WHAT. ARE. YOU. SAYING.]
24) adora
"ME...a simple GOD creature, a high climber (Feeling unggoy.) & aggressive person, i want a new clothes, books.....some of my other descriptions are---->friendly, jealousy, cute, honest..." [JEALOUSY? a, kasi FRIENDLY. k. got it.]
"i love spaghetty"
Who I Want to Meet: A CUTE PERSON..and i hate a person who has a BAD IMAGE like being ignored, finishing second, hand-me-downs, waiting, LIAR, forgetfullnes, haste, feeling ignorant, vulgarity, ugliness, being pressured, LOUD ARGUMENTS & MAKING PROMISES.. [..................................]
25) giriz
Affiliations: Bsta Nilalang sa EarTh pro luv c God (Ang labo nga nman kasi ng salitang Affiliations!)
"i like" play badminton."
"I was born: in Earth!!!" [uyy...papatawa sia...]"I dont juge the book by its cover I read it first" [sige na nga tawa na kame...]
Ito ay lista ng mga makapagdamdamin at nakakasabog ihing Friendster profilessss... Dahil malungkot ang mundo at tumutulo ang uhog ng Mavericks dahil sa kalungkutan, ito ay para satin. Dinededicate ko ito kay Franco na wlang ibang alam kundi maging MEAN sa mga taong may maling grammar. Haha!
Loveyou guys...
_twilayt_
1) Ayumi
Occupation: student
Companies: rockers companies! [weh. weh lang talaga. poser ka amp.]
Hobby: chating!! [as in the sound effects. you know... chating! chating!]
wants to meet "pretty girls!! only!! hehes!!" [bat kaya "hehes"? baka kasi plural kasi madami ung tawa nya. shyet.]
2) -GEniE Lou-
aBouT me???? A persOn wHo is veRy conservative, have positive outlook in lyf, suMtyms I brEak pRomises dat can cause someone angry w/ me... [can you promise to speak in english?? can you?? can you??] im very productive person... everytime i do some task or deeds i will make a plan 1st b4 i go 4 it. im very fond! [oh gawd, she's fond!] in listening 2 musizzzz im da type of person dat tells frankly [Tells Frankly what? What!? Anong sinabi mo kay Frankly!?!?]
who i want to meet?????? so there it goes... [where?? where does it go?] *a person dat can give advices 2 me f i want some support. i mostly hate person nga snobbish kau* [kawawa naman si person. snobbish kasi e. yan. hate ka na nya]
3) jOnah-nUevE 'kikAy fOe RiL'
Companies: oN mAh hiStOry.. wYL i WAs On A mAll hOppiNg... [kawawang mall. inapakan.] sUmvody GAve mE A stArstruck fOrM... [sumvody. lufit.] HAhA! itz kinDA wEiRD.... wAtZ uP wit dAt huH? [Kelangan daw ng comic relief eh...]
4) -aNnA-
MaArtE,SEnSItive, SuPlAdITa, FRiEnDly, fAshiOnIStA, KikAy, AtTraCtiVe AnD EveRytHinG NiCE THaT Was Me!! [Ibig sabihin, nagbago na sia...] MaTaLinO (ThEReS No OnE IN THiS WoRLd hAs stUpId MiNDs) [Weh...di nga?] mAaRte aKo PeRo InDi AkO mAlAnDE-jUZ DOn'T EvEr jUdGe Me cOz yOu dONt mE aT AlL.... [I don't you...you don't me...we don't each other...word deletion's in nowadays] AND ..... YoU MuZ ReMEmBeR eVeRYtHinGs hAs a reAsONS [bkt ayaw mo tigilan ang S!!!] ..... DoNt! DArE mE COz YoU DoNt knOw wHaT CaN I dO SoMe peopLe dOnT UnDErSTaNd WhAT Is my aTtItUde BUt dOnT JuDgE aNyOnE... i pRoTeCT my fRieNdS...aNd pRoTeCt YoUrs [so wait.. you're gonna protect MY FRIENDS too?? LABO.]
5) catherine joyii
Affiliations: Catholic [yun lang. bow.]
"dont lyk pipol hu r very: PLASTIKS, pa EPAL, LIARS and anything na mga BAD ATTITUDE I like hu r vry gud...!!! "and if u want me to ur friend, jaz aDD me uP" [nakakaiyak.]
6) alexandra rose sobida
About Her: long hair, bolding eyes [OH YES. bolding eyes are VERY attractive.], red lips and long life [HA?!.]
Who She Wants to Meet: a spiecial boy in my hole life forever and ever [sana typo ung "hole". sana.]
7) maria princesa
caption ng picture: "am i look good" [patay tayo jan!]
Affiliations: An roman catholic [religion ang nilagay sa affiliation count: 2]
Favorite TV Shows: OPHRA [OF-RA.]
About Her: Me......... hmmmmmm ...... simpl! e and always happy....... . i know you've get it... wants to meet "somebody who has a sense of humor and simple gets" [webster must be spinning in his grave.]
8) lito
Companies: wa lang. im just in the class room seating on my chair and flerting with gurls....... [Flert pla si pare...angas!]
TV Shows: Whos line is that? and teleseryes
About him: I am a 19 year old strait guy, and i love doing creative stuff and having fun.... entering personal relationships with girls and guys even gays is okey with me as long as they are mature and responsible enough to hundle [hundle baga.] a relationship. By the way!!! before, I was against bisexual relationships en even sexual intercoarses [Magaspang bro...] between same sexes, that was me before that memorable night happen to me when i was in 4th year highschool.. .. [Namakla pa amp...]
9) lady biolente [biolente bro...biolente.]
caption ng picture: "it's meh,panget koh d2 bat kya!!! hehehe" [Hmm... bakit nga kaya?]
Occupation: collage student [Bagong course. COLLAGING.]
About her: ahm.......about meeh!!!??? ATTITUDE? kind,suplada minsan.. pro most of da tym mabait meeeh..., makulit, lagi na nka-smyl ngaun... talented pa! i can dance. i can sing....i can fly basta ba my wings, eh...he!he!he! OUTLOOK? syempre maganda,noh! alangan nmn laitin k ang sarili koh... [alam kaya nia ibig sabihin ng 'outlook?'] height koh? 5'3'' ASSET KOH? my legs sbi nila.... taken na meehh....... ...should I say yes!? [ha? SAAN KA MAGYEYES?!]
10) Geneveve
Hobbies: watcing tv
About her: beutiful and honest
wants to meet... i want ta meet people is simple only [dazzit...]
11) christopher
Hobbies: lapping trip [Lap dancer?]; tambay; sound trip; gumala
My Looks: punkiztah [poseur 101]
12) masaaki
Hobbies and Interests: play guitar and to be band [Yun lang...to be band?]
About Him: cOoL... taLL.... sMarT.... & mO$t oF th! aT tRuth LovEr..... [Ayaw ng sinungaling] ha..ha...ha. ...ha.... .ha..... eVerythiNgs' trUth [Weh...di nga?]
13) gummibear
About Me:"im kaRReL.. iM a giRL hu oLweZ waNa b HappY buT jSt cnT b! I cAn eiTHer b sEriouS oR siLLy... liBeraTed,,fuN. .no worrieS.. iM a prActiCal woMan n I eiTHer Lose mY heart dAN my bRaiNS.. it'S harD 2 piCk uP d piEceS oF my liFe..,, veRy comPlicaTed. . buT noT noW.. i dNt bLiV iN dEsTinY iM abouT reALiTy., uR liFE iS in uR hAnds//// so uR d 1 hu coMpLicaTe iT...." [Putcha, pag naintindihan nio to...award.]
14) maricel
Favorite Book: The Purpose Driven in life [oh yes. i read that too. purpose driven in life. cool.]M! usic: fashions About Me: i'm maricel.. who loves serving the Lord...i love dancing.. singing... going beaches... outings.. goin out.. window shopping..
15) Breeks
Favorite Music: stay w/ cushe, the day u said gudnyt w/ hale, kahit pa w/ hale again, specialy 4 u w/ MYMP, tell me y it herts [it HERTS! god it herts!] w/ MYMP again, love moves in mysteriuos ways w/ NINA ehehehe!!!About Me: im a person n siryoso pro happy ksm en i dont like sa mga pipol n plastik gus2 ko ung dldl pro my sen ce ung cnsabi en real... im sure n mag kksundo tyo!!! Practically i want pretty girls but honestly i like mostly girls who are nice to accompany [accompany where?] and not malandi ...waaaaah i hope i cud fyn special one !!! [Fyn.]
16) Anthony
Affiliations: hardcore serial killer/frustrated assassin, computer addict [Nakupo mag-ingat kau rito...di lang sia twisted, di nia p alm kung ano ung affiliation]
Favorite Movie: Harry Potter all the movies that were already shown and including the one's that is still being made
Favorite Music: alternative, rock, mellow, pop, kahit ano basta hale o cueshe [you be the judge of this one] About Me: im just a person who sit's silently on one corner [Sabi sa inio twisted eh]
17) -pRettY cAng-
"me?? im just a simple girl... hmmm... sometimes im othistic" [Umamin na... nakaka OTHISTIC den ung spelling mo haha]
"when it comes to my character, i reflect myself as a conforming one because i have tested myself of doing things which anticipated to be done." [.... hand me that aspirin.]
18) SheZzO GraniTy
Hometown: AurOrA wEr CrimE iS OrGaniZeD En ThA RuLe 2 FoLLoW [IT'S OVER!!! World Heavyweight Champion of the World!!!]
Schools: sTa.cLarA wEr pLenTy oF mUrdErEr OccUrS [so. what murderer occured now?]
Affiliations: ThuG BaLLa bAbY oF kArEn rOsE [tama na koya...]
About Me: i CamE FrOm a SmaLL TowN wEr oL ThA GenGsTerS- kiLLahZ- DruG DeaLahZ- YounG bLoOdS- LiVin aLonE AnD biG TyM SinDiCaTe ArE OcCurS [Ano ba!? Are occurs! Are occurs! OCCURS!!!]
19) -lil LiZ-:
"rOcKeRz!! n pUnKz!!!! ASTIG!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!" [Still in Poseur 101 guys]
Affiliations: tEnNaGe LiFe!! [TENNAGE! Pag lumagpas na sa sampu ung age mo...pero bkt sa Affiliation nilagay?]
Favorite Movies: chukie 1 and 2 [CHUKIE!!! Mali n nga ung title, mali p pangalan nung bida]
20) -'kEiXi'-
Hometown: nAVOetAst [Bkt kc pinpaarte p ung spelling eh...]
About Me: aqOuh?.. cHimPle LAng [chimple...patay.] .. bUT cAn maKE yUr hEAd tURn [mala-Exorcist bro] ,, *HoTcHiC**sEXy dAw..cHAvii nG mGAh fWEnDz qEw [Malamang talo sa Spelling bee to] .. sVi qEw nAMn.. mAdAnDa aqEw.. maArTE?/..sObra ** hiHi.. nDi mHEii mAarTE.. kAla nYOuh lAng yUn,, kSHi cHigURo .. yU fOUnd mE.. wEAriNg uNiqUe eAriNgs..USing mAkEuP.. oWeYs lOoKing mY fACe in tHE mirror.. mAarTE bAh yUN?
who i want to meet: "xA aCcoUnt qEw..kHit cHiNU pwEde.. kHit ikA'y mUkhang .. tAtaNgAPEn kiTAh bsTAh bAH TEZti cOUh aAhh" [Yun eh! Testimonial pala ang habol]
21) PrEtty StEpS IV
Affiliations: vOLLeYBaLL pLaYeR, cOLLeGe sTuDeNt, pARt tiMe MoDeL (iN MAHdReaMZ) ChEEr DanCER & UR fRiEnDLiEsT nEiGhBoR iN ToWn [Lumaki sa Sesame Street bro.]
"I wud nEver faLL again fOr soMeOne he's hEad oVer heeLs wiTh iN Comes To A rELATIONShIP I am faiTHfuL aNd sweet I haTes aNd curSes pLayErs I am eMoTioNaL, I lisTens to My mind buT I stiLL foLLows My heart someone U Can tRUsT On
THANK YOU FOR PATRONIZING MY FRIENDSTER ACCOUNT LOVE YOU ALL [Yun eh...ta-artits]
22) -sTaY ovErLoaD-
Hometown: TaGuiG..ThE FLazE To bEE..MaHoGanY [THE FLAZE!!!]
Occupation: boniFiEd and cErTiFied HeavEn ringEr..aLpha MaN.. [WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!] Affiliations: aFiLL-FuLL and ThuguFuLL..ThEY r grEaT jusT 4 onE nigHT buT iM grEaT evErY nigHT!! [yun eh...bro affiliations plang tau...]
23) Jean
Affiliations: Cristianity [religion ang nilagay sa affiliation count: 3]
Who I Want to Meet: "be always respect the universal trademark clan within the highest organization" [WHAT. ARE. YOU. SAYING.]
24) adora
"ME...a simple GOD creature, a high climber (Feeling unggoy.) & aggressive person, i want a new clothes, books.....some of my other descriptions are---->friendly, jealousy, cute, honest..." [JEALOUSY? a, kasi FRIENDLY. k. got it.]
"i love spaghetty"
Who I Want to Meet: A CUTE PERSON..and i hate a person who has a BAD IMAGE like being ignored, finishing second, hand-me-downs, waiting, LIAR, forgetfullnes, haste, feeling ignorant, vulgarity, ugliness, being pressured, LOUD ARGUMENTS & MAKING PROMISES.. [..................................]
25) giriz
Affiliations: Bsta Nilalang sa EarTh pro luv c God (Ang labo nga nman kasi ng salitang Affiliations!)
"i like" play badminton."
"I was born: in Earth!!!" [uyy...papatawa sia...]"I dont juge the book by its cover I read it first" [sige na nga tawa na kame...]
4.2.09
ENDO: A Fastfood Love Affair by Clyde
ACT II: Yakap
Setting: The same old building: Burger Restaurant.
[Tons of patrons going in and out. Business as usual. Jollibee and Cutie are manning the counter. Katie and Wendy's are busboys. Katie is seen clearing a table talking to himself.]
Katie: (Staring at Jollibee) How can someone be so beautiful? If beauty were a crime, she's a death sentence.
Wendy's: I can't help but overhear. Do mine ears deceiveth me? You're having dirty thoughts again, aren't you? Put a lid on it. And stop drooling.
Katie: Shut up. You're not in love that's why you say those things.
Wendy's: Cut the crap. You're mushy.
[All of a sudden, a very familiar figure walks in. He's wearing his blue cap backwards. Rainbow colored suspenders kept his pants up. His absurdly large yellow sneakers made funny squeeking noises (like that of a toddler's). He approached Jollibee at the counter.]
Jollibee: Good day! Welcome to Burger Restaurant. Would you like some cheese with your pekpek?
Familiar Guy: Say what now?
Jollibee: Oh, I'm sorry. What I meant to say was "what would you be having today?"
Familiar Guy: I'd love to have your special burger.
Jollibee: Apologies. We don't serve special burger.
Familiar Guy: How about your regular burger then.
Jollibee: We don't have that one as well sir.
Familiar Guy: WHAT THE FUCK?! You call this place Burger Restaurant and yet you don't
serve burgers? What's going on here?
[At this point he throws a tantrum worthy of repeated spanking. The song "Yakap" plays in the background.]
AKO AY NAGBALIK
AT MULI KANG NASILYAN
HINDI NA 'KO MULI PANG LILISAN
DAHIL KUNG IKAW ANG YAKAP KO
PARANG YAKAP KO ANG LANGIT
AT YAKAP KO PATI ANG IYONG NGITI
Cutie: (Whispering to Jollibee) Doesn't he look familiar to you?
Jollibee: Yeah, you're right. A child actor perchance?
Cutie: Yeah. I think we're onto something. RR Herrera?
Jollibee: Nah. Chuckie Dreyfuss?
Cutie: No. Aiza Seguerra?
Jollibee: I don't think so. Lady Lee?
Cutie: What's the world's #2 anti-dandruff shampoo?
Jollibee: Hmm.. I really don't know..
Familiar Guy: NO! Dammit! I'm LA Lopez!
Jollibee & Cutie: O RLY?
LA: YA RLY. I want my burger now or else...
Jollibee: Or else what?
LA: THIS!
[LA starts dancing. Parts of his body starts twitching somewhat involuntarily. To make matters worse, he started rapping.]
ANG BATANG LUMAKI SA SINTURON
HINDI NA LALAKING MAHINAHON
HINDI NA LALAKI
HINDI NA LALAKI
[Our girls were appalled and disgusted. The nauseating experience made them unconscious. Witnessing LA's attacks, Katie and Wendy's rushed to the scene. They immediately restrained him before he could sing the iodized salt advert anthem. Bound and gagged, LA lies on the floor.]
Katie: Whew! I'm glad we were able to stop the retard.
Wendy's: Yeah. This guy has a learning disability. Someone ought to put him in the right place.
Katie: The Senate?
Wendy's: No. An assylum. But you've got a point about the Senate. Let's check on the girls.
[Cue in song: Lonely is the Night]
Katie: Hey, are you ok?
Jollibee: Yeah. Thanks. If it weren't for you...
Katie: Think nothing of it. I'm just glad the ordeal is over.
Jollibee: What's my hero's name?
Katie: Katie.
Jollibee: Thanks Katie. I'm Jollibee.
[Meanwhile...]
Wendy's: Wake up. That horrid boy was taken care of.
Cutie: I'm glad that's over. Thanks.
Wendy's: No prob.
Setting: The same old building: Burger Restaurant.
[Tons of patrons going in and out. Business as usual. Jollibee and Cutie are manning the counter. Katie and Wendy's are busboys. Katie is seen clearing a table talking to himself.]
Katie: (Staring at Jollibee) How can someone be so beautiful? If beauty were a crime, she's a death sentence.
Wendy's: I can't help but overhear. Do mine ears deceiveth me? You're having dirty thoughts again, aren't you? Put a lid on it. And stop drooling.
Katie: Shut up. You're not in love that's why you say those things.
Wendy's: Cut the crap. You're mushy.
[All of a sudden, a very familiar figure walks in. He's wearing his blue cap backwards. Rainbow colored suspenders kept his pants up. His absurdly large yellow sneakers made funny squeeking noises (like that of a toddler's). He approached Jollibee at the counter.]
Jollibee: Good day! Welcome to Burger Restaurant. Would you like some cheese with your pekpek?
Familiar Guy: Say what now?
Jollibee: Oh, I'm sorry. What I meant to say was "what would you be having today?"
Familiar Guy: I'd love to have your special burger.
Jollibee: Apologies. We don't serve special burger.
Familiar Guy: How about your regular burger then.
Jollibee: We don't have that one as well sir.
Familiar Guy: WHAT THE FUCK?! You call this place Burger Restaurant and yet you don't
serve burgers? What's going on here?
[At this point he throws a tantrum worthy of repeated spanking. The song "Yakap" plays in the background.]
AKO AY NAGBALIK
AT MULI KANG NASILYAN
HINDI NA 'KO MULI PANG LILISAN
DAHIL KUNG IKAW ANG YAKAP KO
PARANG YAKAP KO ANG LANGIT
AT YAKAP KO PATI ANG IYONG NGITI
Cutie: (Whispering to Jollibee) Doesn't he look familiar to you?
Jollibee: Yeah, you're right. A child actor perchance?
Cutie: Yeah. I think we're onto something. RR Herrera?
Jollibee: Nah. Chuckie Dreyfuss?
Cutie: No. Aiza Seguerra?
Jollibee: I don't think so. Lady Lee?
Cutie: What's the world's #2 anti-dandruff shampoo?
Jollibee: Hmm.. I really don't know..
Familiar Guy: NO! Dammit! I'm LA Lopez!
Jollibee & Cutie: O RLY?
LA: YA RLY. I want my burger now or else...
Jollibee: Or else what?
LA: THIS!
[LA starts dancing. Parts of his body starts twitching somewhat involuntarily. To make matters worse, he started rapping.]
ANG BATANG LUMAKI SA SINTURON
HINDI NA LALAKING MAHINAHON
HINDI NA LALAKI
HINDI NA LALAKI
[Our girls were appalled and disgusted. The nauseating experience made them unconscious. Witnessing LA's attacks, Katie and Wendy's rushed to the scene. They immediately restrained him before he could sing the iodized salt advert anthem. Bound and gagged, LA lies on the floor.]
Katie: Whew! I'm glad we were able to stop the retard.
Wendy's: Yeah. This guy has a learning disability. Someone ought to put him in the right place.
Katie: The Senate?
Wendy's: No. An assylum. But you've got a point about the Senate. Let's check on the girls.
[Cue in song: Lonely is the Night]
Katie: Hey, are you ok?
Jollibee: Yeah. Thanks. If it weren't for you...
Katie: Think nothing of it. I'm just glad the ordeal is over.
Jollibee: What's my hero's name?
Katie: Katie.
Jollibee: Thanks Katie. I'm Jollibee.
[Meanwhile...]
Wendy's: Wake up. That horrid boy was taken care of.
Cutie: I'm glad that's over. Thanks.
Wendy's: No prob.
3.2.09
Junisms: Words from the Mouth of a Guy Who Is "That Level of Hardcore"
Jun says:
"If you have a crush on a blonde-haired girl, I hope it's not because she's smart."
"In spotting for a chick, BANGS ALWAYS COUNT!" ;-)
"In trying to decipher whether Rihanna the Horse is a man or not, it's a matter of pondering how many bottles of Mane 'N Tail did he/she consume to get that hairdo that makes him/her look like he/she just escaped from the race tracks."
"Hiding your feelings from the chick you really like is a bad thing. However, hiding your feelings of hatred for a horibble-looking cross-dresser is GREATLY DISCOURAGED."
"Never try to copy a guy's jacket. He might just kick your ass."
"Always remember, people who do 411 calls are FAR SUPERIOR to people who answer questions from dumb Brits or Yanks. What's worse is that if you're the latter and you think you're f***ing metal, your stunted, heavily-accented, poor English grammar tells you otherwise."
"NEVER put any piece of metal, or styropor inside a microwave oven, because seriously, you don't want your next paycheck to be an empty circle."
"Remember, 'messages' is spelt with 3 's' letters, otherwise, it'd look like this: meage."
"If you always fancy mature-looking chicks who already have kids but left alone by their husbands, chances are you might be a MILF!"
"If you're trying to court a high-maintenance girlfriend, I strongly suggest you stop. Why, you ask? Well, if she requires you to move her ass for her, how much more if you're married?"
"Always trust the wisdom of an owl, especially when he hoots 'O RLY?'."
"Never even try to be stupid. Stupidity is like first-time sex; you're curious what it feels like, but after you try it, you wish you never did. Then again, it depends."
"If you just live nearby and you still get late for work, it might be because you're moonwalking your way there."
"The best costume for Halloween: dressing up like one of your managers and lie that you're an MIB."
"The worst costume for Halloween: acting like you don't even know it existed."
"Always leave some time for you to get in touch with yourself. You know perfectly what I mean, guys!"
"Never sit near your superiors: You'll never get to do what you want to do when they're breathing down your necks."
"If you are being tortured with all forms of inaction during the course of your job, and you still get paid huge sums of money for it, you're in nirvana."
"Winning 'fagulous' prizes isn't as much fun as winning the girl of your dreams, or refunding those god-awful 'fagulous' prizes to cash instead."
"If you're a self-declared straight edge, and somebody spiked your Coke Zero with a few drops of San Mig Light, it's kinda like getting your cherry popped."
"If you have a hot friend named Stacy, and her mom is a hotter chick than she is, then by all means, date her mom! You won't be dissappointed! ;-)"
"You can't understand what he wrote? It's called Google Translate. It's better to use it than force him to speak American, which, BTW, is a language recognized by the stupidest of the stupid."
"If a game you bought just f***ed up your PC, and you're demanding its makers to buy you a new PC, I suggest you to take this red pill and shove it up your ecstasy-infused ass."
"It's perfectly legal to bully trainees. They have to learn that learning is like being paddled by fraternity members."
"If you have the cash, spend on that expensive stuff you want. Bonus points if you do it in front of your crush."
"If you're planning to write a blog, I hope it's not because you want to post song lyrics."
"Never listen to anything made by Miss Ganda or DJ Sundalong Bata; it only proves that you're too damn stupid to even understand basic Grade 1 English."
"If you think Rihanna the Horse is a hot 'chick', I hope it's because you're gay, not because you think he/she's a woman."
"Being so anal can be good and bad on some levels. It's OK to be anal about your performance at work, it's not OK if you're anal about filling your jeep with passengers that you have to stop everywhere and wait for long-ass periods of time."
"If the chick you like has bangs, and she looks good with it, you found a winner! Bonus points if she sports a mod bob haircut!"
"Girls wearing purple are effortlessly hot. Guys wearing purple are effortlessly gay."
"If you think the emo and goth subcultures are one and the same, it's because that poser over there looks less of a human and more of a freak-show."
"If you hate old games because their graphics suck, just wait 'till your children grow up and make fun of how StarCraft II's graphics look like dogshit-on-a-stick."
"Never be so anal about dominating the shuttle. You're just arguing with people on a childish level."
"It's never wrong to show someone that you love him/her. It's VERY WRONG to pet your boy/girlfriend on the thighs while at work, especially if he/she's a cross-dressing hag."
"When they say 'dress-up', they don't mean "Look-like-a-total-DORKAZOID-because-I-wear-an-argyle-sweater-over-my-tie-and-shirt-and-I-sport-glasses-that-look-like-they-can-pick-up-cable."
"When your salary's cut in half, it makes perfect sense to make fun of how the people in Accounting can't make a grammatically correct sentence in English."
"If your performance at work sucks, it's best to blame yourself, then blame Quality Control because they're so anal about every itty-bitty thing, including that extra period you made at your last sentence."
"If you have a crush on a blonde-haired girl, I hope it's not because she's smart."
"In spotting for a chick, BANGS ALWAYS COUNT!" ;-)
"In trying to decipher whether Rihanna the Horse is a man or not, it's a matter of pondering how many bottles of Mane 'N Tail did he/she consume to get that hairdo that makes him/her look like he/she just escaped from the race tracks."
"Hiding your feelings from the chick you really like is a bad thing. However, hiding your feelings of hatred for a horibble-looking cross-dresser is GREATLY DISCOURAGED."
"Never try to copy a guy's jacket. He might just kick your ass."
"Always remember, people who do 411 calls are FAR SUPERIOR to people who answer questions from dumb Brits or Yanks. What's worse is that if you're the latter and you think you're f***ing metal, your stunted, heavily-accented, poor English grammar tells you otherwise."
"NEVER put any piece of metal, or styropor inside a microwave oven, because seriously, you don't want your next paycheck to be an empty circle."
"Remember, 'messages' is spelt with 3 's' letters, otherwise, it'd look like this: meage."
"If you always fancy mature-looking chicks who already have kids but left alone by their husbands, chances are you might be a MILF!"
"If you're trying to court a high-maintenance girlfriend, I strongly suggest you stop. Why, you ask? Well, if she requires you to move her ass for her, how much more if you're married?"
"Always trust the wisdom of an owl, especially when he hoots 'O RLY?'."
"Never even try to be stupid. Stupidity is like first-time sex; you're curious what it feels like, but after you try it, you wish you never did. Then again, it depends."
"If you just live nearby and you still get late for work, it might be because you're moonwalking your way there."
"The best costume for Halloween: dressing up like one of your managers and lie that you're an MIB."
"The worst costume for Halloween: acting like you don't even know it existed."
"Always leave some time for you to get in touch with yourself. You know perfectly what I mean, guys
"Never sit near your superiors: You'll never get to do what you want to do when they're breathing down your necks."
"If you are being tortured with all forms of inaction during the course of your job, and you still get paid huge sums of money for it, you're in nirvana."
"Winning 'fagulous' prizes isn't as much fun as winning the girl of your dreams, or refunding those god-awful 'fagulous' prizes to cash instead."
"If you're a self-declared straight edge, and somebody spiked your Coke Zero with a few drops of San Mig Light, it's kinda like getting your cherry popped."
"If you have a hot friend named Stacy, and her mom is a hotter chick than she is, then by all means, date her mom! You won't be dissappointed! ;-)"
"You can't understand what he wrote? It's called Google Translate. It's better to use it than force him to speak American, which, BTW, is a language recognized by the stupidest of the stupid."
"If a game you bought just f***ed up your PC, and you're demanding its makers to buy you a new PC, I suggest you to take this red pill and shove it up your ecstasy-infused ass."
"It's perfectly legal to bully trainees. They have to learn that learning is like being paddled by fraternity members."
"If you have the cash, spend on that expensive stuff you want. Bonus points if you do it in front of your crush."
"If you're planning to write a blog, I hope it's not because you want to post song lyrics."
"Never listen to anything made by Miss Ganda or DJ Sundalong Bata; it only proves that you're too damn stupid to even understand basic Grade 1 English."
"If you think Rihanna the Horse is a hot 'chick', I hope it's because you're gay, not because you think he/she's a woman."
"Being so anal can be good and bad on some levels. It's OK to be anal about your performance at work, it's not OK if you're anal about filling your jeep with passengers that you have to stop everywhere and wait for long-ass periods of time."
"If the chick you like has bangs, and she looks good with it, you found a winner! Bonus points if she sports a mod bob haircut!"
"Girls wearing purple are effortlessly hot. Guys wearing purple are effortlessly gay."
"If you think the emo and goth subcultures are one and the same, it's because that poser over there looks less of a human and more of a freak-show."
"If you hate old games because their graphics suck, just wait 'till your children grow up and make fun of how StarCraft II's graphics look like dogshit-on-a-stick."
"Never be so anal about dominating the shuttle. You're just arguing with people on a childish level."
"It's never wrong to show someone that you love him/her. It's VERY WRONG to pet your boy/girlfriend on the thighs while at work, especially if he/she's a cross-dressing hag."
"When they say 'dress-up', they don't mean "Look-like-a-total-DORKAZOID-because-I-wear-an-argyle-sweater-over-my-tie-and-shirt-and-I-sport-glasses-that-look-like-they-can-pick-up-cable."
"When your salary's cut in half, it makes perfect sense to make fun of how the people in Accounting can't make a grammatically correct sentence in English."
"If your performance at work sucks, it's best to blame yourself, then blame Quality Control because they're so anal about every itty-bitty thing, including that extra period you made at your last sentence."
Mi Amor (My Love) by BeBe P.
Ilang tulog nalang at Araw ng mga Puso nanaman. Marahil karamihan sa mga tao ngayon ay nagiipon na ng pera pambili ng bulaklak, tsokolate at manyika para ibigay sa kanilang minamahal. Meron din iba na nagtitipid ng baon, pamasahe at sweldo para makapasok sa mga lihim lugar tulad ng Sogo, Mariposa, Victoria Court at El Cielito kasama ng kanilang iniirog. Ngunit ano nga ba ang kahulugan ng Pebrero 14?
Maraming nagsasabi na sa araw na ito ang dalawa (o higit pa) na mga puso ay nagsasama (pati ang mga katawan eh nagdudugtong-dugtong) ngunit ang hindi nila alam eh maraming puso din ang nadudurog, nawawasak at nagkapira-piraso. Ilang lovesong na at My Way ang kinanta upang ipaalam sa lahat ang kanilang nararamdaman, ilang Durex, Frenzy, Trust na ang napunit at napuno, at ilang pamilya na din ang nabuo at nawasak dahil sa araw na ito ngunit wala pa ring kadala-dala ang mga tao.
Kailangan ba ng isang Pebrero 14 para ipaalam sa iyong irog na siya ay iyong iniibig? Kelangan ba ng okasyon para pumunta sa motel para magusap ng masinsinan? Hindi di ba? Sabi nga sa Ingles eh "Everyday is Valentine's Day."
Seks nga lang ba ang habol ng mga tao sa araw na iyon? para sa mga malilibog eh marahil ay oo pero karamihan naman siguro ay pagmamahal talaga ang hinahabol, ang seks ay isang insentibo na lang. magmumukha akong isang ipokrito pagsinabi ko na ako mismo ay naiiba at hindi ko iniisip ang ganitong mga bagay, lalake din ako merong mga pangangailangan, mga pagnanasa ngunit alam ko kung paano ko ilagay ang aking sarili at maging isang kapitapitagang Pilipinong hinahanggaan ng karamihan. Kuntento na ako sa aking buhay, kung ang iba ay MILF, tama na sa akin ang lolita. Ika nga ay "To each his own." hindi ba?
Pero sa lahat ng okasyon meron talagang eksepsyon. Ang Pebrero 14 ay tinuturing din na araw para maging ganap na lalake. Heto ang isang halimbawa: Si LA lopez ay isang lalake na hayok na hayok sa seks. Sa edad niyang dalawampung taon eh maituturing pa niya ang kanyang sarili bilang isang birhen. Maliban sa makailang-ulit na pagmamariyang palad sa araw-araw o ang mga basang kutson at kobre kama sa umaga ay hindi pa niya natitikman ang rurok ng kaligayahan... ang kalangitan.
Marami naman siyang babaeng pinagpapantasyahan kabilang na si Ms. Competence (sino ba ang hindi, sa ganda ng hubog ng katawan, korte ng puwet, haba ng paa, at maladiyosang kagandahan), Ms. Tagaytay (ang balita ay isa na siyang ganap na ina ngunit hindi halata o sadyang walang pakialam ang kalalakihan sa isyung iyon) at libo-libong mga artista at modelo na ibinabandera sa telebisyon, magasin, at tabloid (lalo na sa Remate, Tiktik, Abante, Bandera, Police Blotter..). Lahat ng iyon ay nananatiling isang panaginip o illusyon para sa lahat kaya napagpasyahan ng kanyang mga kaibigan, kakilala at ang mga medyo nag-aalala sa kanya na tulungan siyang makajackpot.
Sa kanyang kaso, hindi madali ang maghanap ng babae na papayag na samahan siya sa kalangitan, napagtatanto ng ng iba na kumuha na lang ng bayaran para wala nang pinoproblema ngunit meron din naman na tumututol dito. Kailangan daw na gawin niya iyon sa kanyang minamahal. Isa daw iyong ekspresyon ng pagmamahal at ang seks daw ay sagrado at banal.
Si LA ay isang lalake na punong-puno ng enerhiya sa katawan na kahit ilang beses mag mariang palad sa isang araw eh parang hindi nauubusan ng lakas. tayo dito, usap duon, kain dito, daldal naman sa kabilang kanto kaya nagtataka na lang ang iba na sa sobrang dami ng pinaggagawa ng batang ito sa kanyang buhay eh hindi pa siya hinihimatay o hinihingal man lang. Ilang beses na siyang napagalitan at napagsabihan dahil sa kanyang kakulitan, kapilyuhan at kalibugan kaya sa ayaw niya at sa gusto niya ay gagawa na ng paraan ang kanyang mga katrabaho lalung-lalo na ang kanyang maestrong si Senyor G.
At sa nalalapit na Pebrero 14 ay malaki ang tsansang magaganap na ang sa panaginip at pantasya lang naiisip ni LA na mangyayari, ang tanung na lang ay kung kanino pero si Maestro na ang bahala sa detalyeng iyon. At sa katapusan ng artikulong ito ay iniiwanan ko kayo ng isang awitin ng Air Supply, sa mga pusong sawi pasensya na at sa mga umiibig magpasalamat kayo. Hanggang sa muli, paalam.
Lonely is the Night
Really thought that I could live without youReally thought that I could make it on my ownSent you away yeah I said I didnt need youI let you go I let you go I let you goNow Im so lost without youNow youre not here and now I know
(chorus)Lonely is the night when Im not with youLonely is the night aint no light shining throughTill youre in my arms till youre here by my sideLonely am i
Never thought that I that I would need youNever thought that I that Id be missing youGotta get you backI just got to find a way nowTo let you know to let you know to let you knowThat Im so lost without youAnd now this world it aint just right
(repeat chorus)
I can make it through the dayI can fake it okayI just smile and pretendAnd I tell myself Ill be alright
But lonely is the nightLonely is the night.
Maraming nagsasabi na sa araw na ito ang dalawa (o higit pa) na mga puso ay nagsasama (pati ang mga katawan eh nagdudugtong-dugtong) ngunit ang hindi nila alam eh maraming puso din ang nadudurog, nawawasak at nagkapira-piraso. Ilang lovesong na at My Way ang kinanta upang ipaalam sa lahat ang kanilang nararamdaman, ilang Durex, Frenzy, Trust na ang napunit at napuno, at ilang pamilya na din ang nabuo at nawasak dahil sa araw na ito ngunit wala pa ring kadala-dala ang mga tao.
Kailangan ba ng isang Pebrero 14 para ipaalam sa iyong irog na siya ay iyong iniibig? Kelangan ba ng okasyon para pumunta sa motel para magusap ng masinsinan? Hindi di ba? Sabi nga sa Ingles eh "Everyday is Valentine's Day."
Seks nga lang ba ang habol ng mga tao sa araw na iyon? para sa mga malilibog eh marahil ay oo pero karamihan naman siguro ay pagmamahal talaga ang hinahabol, ang seks ay isang insentibo na lang. magmumukha akong isang ipokrito pagsinabi ko na ako mismo ay naiiba at hindi ko iniisip ang ganitong mga bagay, lalake din ako merong mga pangangailangan, mga pagnanasa ngunit alam ko kung paano ko ilagay ang aking sarili at maging isang kapitapitagang Pilipinong hinahanggaan ng karamihan. Kuntento na ako sa aking buhay, kung ang iba ay MILF, tama na sa akin ang lolita. Ika nga ay "To each his own." hindi ba?
Pero sa lahat ng okasyon meron talagang eksepsyon. Ang Pebrero 14 ay tinuturing din na araw para maging ganap na lalake. Heto ang isang halimbawa: Si LA lopez ay isang lalake na hayok na hayok sa seks. Sa edad niyang dalawampung taon eh maituturing pa niya ang kanyang sarili bilang isang birhen. Maliban sa makailang-ulit na pagmamariyang palad sa araw-araw o ang mga basang kutson at kobre kama sa umaga ay hindi pa niya natitikman ang rurok ng kaligayahan... ang kalangitan.
Marami naman siyang babaeng pinagpapantasyahan kabilang na si Ms. Competence (sino ba ang hindi, sa ganda ng hubog ng katawan, korte ng puwet, haba ng paa, at maladiyosang kagandahan), Ms. Tagaytay (ang balita ay isa na siyang ganap na ina ngunit hindi halata o sadyang walang pakialam ang kalalakihan sa isyung iyon) at libo-libong mga artista at modelo na ibinabandera sa telebisyon, magasin, at tabloid (lalo na sa Remate, Tiktik, Abante, Bandera, Police Blotter..). Lahat ng iyon ay nananatiling isang panaginip o illusyon para sa lahat kaya napagpasyahan ng kanyang mga kaibigan, kakilala at ang mga medyo nag-aalala sa kanya na tulungan siyang makajackpot.
Sa kanyang kaso, hindi madali ang maghanap ng babae na papayag na samahan siya sa kalangitan, napagtatanto ng ng iba na kumuha na lang ng bayaran para wala nang pinoproblema ngunit meron din naman na tumututol dito. Kailangan daw na gawin niya iyon sa kanyang minamahal. Isa daw iyong ekspresyon ng pagmamahal at ang seks daw ay sagrado at banal.
Si LA ay isang lalake na punong-puno ng enerhiya sa katawan na kahit ilang beses mag mariang palad sa isang araw eh parang hindi nauubusan ng lakas. tayo dito, usap duon, kain dito, daldal naman sa kabilang kanto kaya nagtataka na lang ang iba na sa sobrang dami ng pinaggagawa ng batang ito sa kanyang buhay eh hindi pa siya hinihimatay o hinihingal man lang. Ilang beses na siyang napagalitan at napagsabihan dahil sa kanyang kakulitan, kapilyuhan at kalibugan kaya sa ayaw niya at sa gusto niya ay gagawa na ng paraan ang kanyang mga katrabaho lalung-lalo na ang kanyang maestrong si Senyor G.
At sa nalalapit na Pebrero 14 ay malaki ang tsansang magaganap na ang sa panaginip at pantasya lang naiisip ni LA na mangyayari, ang tanung na lang ay kung kanino pero si Maestro na ang bahala sa detalyeng iyon. At sa katapusan ng artikulong ito ay iniiwanan ko kayo ng isang awitin ng Air Supply, sa mga pusong sawi pasensya na at sa mga umiibig magpasalamat kayo. Hanggang sa muli, paalam.
Lonely is the Night
Really thought that I could live without youReally thought that I could make it on my ownSent you away yeah I said I didnt need youI let you go I let you go I let you goNow Im so lost without youNow youre not here and now I know
(chorus)Lonely is the night when Im not with youLonely is the night aint no light shining throughTill youre in my arms till youre here by my sideLonely am i
Never thought that I that I would need youNever thought that I that Id be missing youGotta get you backI just got to find a way nowTo let you know to let you know to let you knowThat Im so lost without youAnd now this world it aint just right
(repeat chorus)
I can make it through the dayI can fake it okayI just smile and pretendAnd I tell myself Ill be alright
But lonely is the nightLonely is the night.
ENDO: A Fastfood Love Affair by Clyde
WARNING: All characters depicted herein are fictional. Any relation to real life is purely coincidental. thx.
ACT I: The Meating
Setting: A mediocre restaurant aptly named Burger Restaurant. They serve anything but burgers. DUH?!
[It's the first day of orientation. The shift manager attends to his ward. Among the sea of unfamiliar faces, we see a couple that stands out. One's Jollibee. A paticularly pretty girl who puts the "S" in ass. Seated right next to her is her friend Cutie, a mild-mannered girl whose face has launched a thousand ships. A seemingly rowdy bunch of guys are seated a row behind them. We see Katie and Wendy's. They're the best of friends (although they have girlie names, they're men. Don't argue). Katie is a lanky boy with eyes of a sex maniac (kidding!). On the other hand, Wendy's is a smartass who knows almost everything... almost.]
Jakiro: Hi gals. The name's Jakiro and I am the owner slash shift manager slash ruler slash head jerk of this hell hole.
Wendy's: (Standing up) Excuse me. I think I'm not speaking for myself when I say that I'm owffended. There are guys here as well.
Jakiro: What's your name?
Wendy's: Wendy's.
Jakiro: Are you kidding me?
Wendy's: No.
Jakiro: That's a girl's name! (A flame large enough to cook shawarma beef comes out of his nostrils) SIDDOWN!
Jakiro: (In a calm tone) I only have 1 rule here: Don't fall... in love. You'll definitely get hurt. Seriuosly. You'll get hurt more if you fall off a cliff but that's a totally different thing. Anyway, here are your benefits... (blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda)...
Jollibee: (Whispering to Cutie) I think we're in for a rough ride. This manager's a total psycho.
Cutie: (Whisper) I think so, too. But we desperately need this job. Beggars can't be choosers.
Jollibee: (sigh) You're right. I just hope I don't fall in love. I don't want to be on Jakiro's bad side.
Cutie: Does he even have a good side?
Jollibee: You have a point.
[Unknowingly, behind the beautiful ladies, Katie caught himself staring at Jollibee.]
Katie: (Whispering to Wendy's) Dude, I think I'm in love. That girl in front of us is making my heart skip a beat. I'm like, breathless.
Wendy's: O RLY?
Katie: ITSA RLY!(use Mario's accent)
[Wendy's checks Jollibee out.]
Wendy's: I can't blame you. She's really something. Good luck though. Satan's advocate here (pointing to Jakiro) doesn't approve of love. My sympathies.
Katie: How do you suggest I go about that?
Wendy's: Beats me.
Jakiro: And that's all you're gonna get. If you have any questions, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! You're not paid to think. You're paid to get bored. Be reminded that you are contractual employees only. You'll occasionally get discrepancies but that's perfectly normal. Come here tomorrow at 6AM. Don't be late. Now, get the hell out of here!
ACT I: The Meating
Setting: A mediocre restaurant aptly named Burger Restaurant. They serve anything but burgers. DUH?!
[It's the first day of orientation. The shift manager attends to his ward. Among the sea of unfamiliar faces, we see a couple that stands out. One's Jollibee. A paticularly pretty girl who puts the "S" in ass. Seated right next to her is her friend Cutie, a mild-mannered girl whose face has launched a thousand ships. A seemingly rowdy bunch of guys are seated a row behind them. We see Katie and Wendy's. They're the best of friends (although they have girlie names, they're men. Don't argue). Katie is a lanky boy with eyes of a sex maniac (kidding!). On the other hand, Wendy's is a smartass who knows almost everything... almost.]
Jakiro: Hi gals. The name's Jakiro and I am the owner slash shift manager slash ruler slash head jerk of this hell hole.
Wendy's: (Standing up) Excuse me. I think I'm not speaking for myself when I say that I'm owffended. There are guys here as well.
Jakiro: What's your name?
Wendy's: Wendy's.
Jakiro: Are you kidding me?
Wendy's: No.
Jakiro: That's a girl's name! (A flame large enough to cook shawarma beef comes out of his nostrils) SIDDOWN!
Jakiro: (In a calm tone) I only have 1 rule here: Don't fall... in love. You'll definitely get hurt. Seriuosly. You'll get hurt more if you fall off a cliff but that's a totally different thing. Anyway, here are your benefits... (blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda)...
Jollibee: (Whispering to Cutie) I think we're in for a rough ride. This manager's a total psycho.
Cutie: (Whisper) I think so, too. But we desperately need this job. Beggars can't be choosers.
Jollibee: (sigh) You're right. I just hope I don't fall in love. I don't want to be on Jakiro's bad side.
Cutie: Does he even have a good side?
Jollibee: You have a point.
[Unknowingly, behind the beautiful ladies, Katie caught himself staring at Jollibee.]
Katie: (Whispering to Wendy's) Dude, I think I'm in love. That girl in front of us is making my heart skip a beat. I'm like, breathless.
Wendy's: O RLY?
Katie: ITSA RLY!(use Mario's accent)
[Wendy's checks Jollibee out.]
Wendy's: I can't blame you. She's really something. Good luck though. Satan's advocate here (pointing to Jakiro) doesn't approve of love. My sympathies.
Katie: How do you suggest I go about that?
Wendy's: Beats me.
Jakiro: And that's all you're gonna get. If you have any questions, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! You're not paid to think. You're paid to get bored. Be reminded that you are contractual employees only. You'll occasionally get discrepancies but that's perfectly normal. Come here tomorrow at 6AM. Don't be late. Now, get the hell out of here!
Episode 9: The Love Guru
Telai: You know what, Ive always wonder why some guys cant get a gurl.
Ed: Well maybe they are just too ugly or I mean you know too incompetent!
Telai: No! Most girls are not like that!
Ed: Face it Telai. Girls dont like boys, girls love cars and money. See what happen to the Dingle. He almost died because of the excitement given to her by Stacy! Well I must admit. Stacy is a real hot chick, however, shes just the good old housekeeper?
Telai: What do you mean?
Ed: Well I mean they marry rich, sickely, old guys and keep their house after they die.
Telai: Dont be like that ed. Stop labelling people. Youll be damned.
Ed: Forchristsake Telai! Its is a free country.
Telai: Oh well, free as it is! So there, we've invited a very special guest for tonights episode. He is known as the Guru or simply call him Mr. G for short!
Ed: Hi Mr. G!
Mr G: Hi fans! Hi girls!
Telai: So wuts instore for us tonight Mr G?
Mr G: Well Im the Love Guru. I was born to spread the love to the world. Btw you should address me Sir, dispespectful hosts!
Telai: We are sorry, Sir G.
Katie: Guys, you have to hear this. I just saw a really lovely gurl at the other side of the fence. Unfortunately she dont have a name.
Sir G: Well thats pretty unfair. Every pretty girl deserves a name.
Katie: You hear that guys. She deserves a name.
Telai: Lets call her the "unknown foe from another hoe" simply because she's from the other side.
Ed: STFU! This is gonna be a job for Sir G! He is the expert on girls!
Sir G: Well I say we leave it to your viewers. I mean a good topic for a forum. Giving out names for pretty gurls is interesting.
Katie: You got that right Sir G. Apprently we have a collection of names here. We have Ms.competence, Santa's elf, Ms Zebra and a whole bunch of hot chicks around the corner.
Sir G: You guys are awesome!
Telai: Whatever! Boys will always be boys!
Ed: So we will do a survey and hopefully get a good suggestion. Cast in your suggestions now.
Telai: So Sir G, we heard that a lot of girls fall for you. We badly need your help to help our virgin guys somehow get a gurlfriend.
Sir G: That is pretty pathetic. Dont worry Im here to help. Have you heard the story about the ant?
Ed: Go ahead sir.
Sir G: Alright then. A guy should share this story to his gurl in order for him to put her in bed. Im telling you this is awesomely effective.
Telai: Hurry up, time is mana!
Sir G: Once upon a time there was a thirsty queen ant. Luckily, she saw a half filled Coke bottle. She hurriedly went inside the bottle to drink. But because of her excitement she didnt notice that she drink too much of the liquid. She then realized that she cant go out of the bottle because her tummy is too heavily filled with coke. Suddenly, a male ant pass by so the queen immediately ask for help. The male ant went inside the bottle but ask for a condition before he help the queen ant. He ask the queen to have sex with him before he do the favor. Leaving the queen ant with no choice, they had sex but unknown to the male ant that he will die after the intercourse. The male ant eventually died leaving the queen ant helpless again. A minute passed and another male ant passed by and try to help the queen and ask for the same condition. As expected, the male ant also died. Several male ants passed by but the same thing happen over and over until the queen became hopeless. But something happen that finally led the queen outside the bottle. Do you know what happen?
Ed: well I think she filed up the whole bunch of ant corpse making it possible for her to get out.
Sir G: I dont think so. Shes not even capable of carrying herself.
Katie: Well I really dont know but maybe her stomach is empty now because she urinated the liquid she just drink.
Sir G: Well it could be but still not the right thing.
Telai: Well I really dont care.
Sir G: You are really disrespectful. Well wanna know tha answer guys?
Ed: Well I think I give up.
Sir G: First of all there is no answer to that.
Katie: So whats the catch?
Sir G: Well now is the time to make the move. Remember the girl listening to your story, very curious what happen?
Ed: Oh yeah!
Sir G: Tell her that before you reveal the answer, you need to ask her the same condition asked by the male ant to the queen.
Ed: Oh thats pretty clever. You're the man.
Katie: Sorry, I find it more of a sucker style. I mean those are things you dont need to ask. For me action speaks louder than, you know, other actions. lolz!
Sir G: Trust me guys Im the Guru!
Ed: Oh well we think the Dingle might need it!
Telai: Can we end the show now? I feel out of place here!
Ed: Before we go, we just like you to know that we need suggestions for a good name for our "unknown foe from another hoe". Til then!
(fin)
Ed: Well maybe they are just too ugly or I mean you know too incompetent!
Telai: No! Most girls are not like that!
Ed: Face it Telai. Girls dont like boys, girls love cars and money. See what happen to the Dingle. He almost died because of the excitement given to her by Stacy! Well I must admit. Stacy is a real hot chick, however, shes just the good old housekeeper?
Telai: What do you mean?
Ed: Well I mean they marry rich, sickely, old guys and keep their house after they die.
Telai: Dont be like that ed. Stop labelling people. Youll be damned.
Ed: Forchristsake Telai! Its is a free country.
Telai: Oh well, free as it is! So there, we've invited a very special guest for tonights episode. He is known as the Guru or simply call him Mr. G for short!
Ed: Hi Mr. G!
Mr G: Hi fans! Hi girls!
Telai: So wuts instore for us tonight Mr G?
Mr G: Well Im the Love Guru. I was born to spread the love to the world. Btw you should address me Sir, dispespectful hosts!
Telai: We are sorry, Sir G.
Katie: Guys, you have to hear this. I just saw a really lovely gurl at the other side of the fence. Unfortunately she dont have a name.
Sir G: Well thats pretty unfair. Every pretty girl deserves a name.
Katie: You hear that guys. She deserves a name.
Telai: Lets call her the "unknown foe from another hoe" simply because she's from the other side.
Ed: STFU! This is gonna be a job for Sir G! He is the expert on girls!
Sir G: Well I say we leave it to your viewers. I mean a good topic for a forum. Giving out names for pretty gurls is interesting.
Katie: You got that right Sir G. Apprently we have a collection of names here. We have Ms.competence, Santa's elf, Ms Zebra and a whole bunch of hot chicks around the corner.
Sir G: You guys are awesome!
Telai: Whatever! Boys will always be boys!
Ed: So we will do a survey and hopefully get a good suggestion. Cast in your suggestions now.
Telai: So Sir G, we heard that a lot of girls fall for you. We badly need your help to help our virgin guys somehow get a gurlfriend.
Sir G: That is pretty pathetic. Dont worry Im here to help. Have you heard the story about the ant?
Ed: Go ahead sir.
Sir G: Alright then. A guy should share this story to his gurl in order for him to put her in bed. Im telling you this is awesomely effective.
Telai: Hurry up, time is mana!
Sir G: Once upon a time there was a thirsty queen ant. Luckily, she saw a half filled Coke bottle. She hurriedly went inside the bottle to drink. But because of her excitement she didnt notice that she drink too much of the liquid. She then realized that she cant go out of the bottle because her tummy is too heavily filled with coke. Suddenly, a male ant pass by so the queen immediately ask for help. The male ant went inside the bottle but ask for a condition before he help the queen ant. He ask the queen to have sex with him before he do the favor. Leaving the queen ant with no choice, they had sex but unknown to the male ant that he will die after the intercourse. The male ant eventually died leaving the queen ant helpless again. A minute passed and another male ant passed by and try to help the queen and ask for the same condition. As expected, the male ant also died. Several male ants passed by but the same thing happen over and over until the queen became hopeless. But something happen that finally led the queen outside the bottle. Do you know what happen?
Ed: well I think she filed up the whole bunch of ant corpse making it possible for her to get out.
Sir G: I dont think so. Shes not even capable of carrying herself.
Katie: Well I really dont know but maybe her stomach is empty now because she urinated the liquid she just drink.
Sir G: Well it could be but still not the right thing.
Telai: Well I really dont care.
Sir G: You are really disrespectful. Well wanna know tha answer guys?
Ed: Well I think I give up.
Sir G: First of all there is no answer to that.
Katie: So whats the catch?
Sir G: Well now is the time to make the move. Remember the girl listening to your story, very curious what happen?
Ed: Oh yeah!
Sir G: Tell her that before you reveal the answer, you need to ask her the same condition asked by the male ant to the queen.
Ed: Oh thats pretty clever. You're the man.
Katie: Sorry, I find it more of a sucker style. I mean those are things you dont need to ask. For me action speaks louder than, you know, other actions. lolz!
Sir G: Trust me guys Im the Guru!
Ed: Oh well we think the Dingle might need it!
Telai: Can we end the show now? I feel out of place here!
Ed: Before we go, we just like you to know that we need suggestions for a good name for our "unknown foe from another hoe". Til then!
(fin)
2.2.09
Episode 8: Dating Game
telai: zup.
ed: bonjour.
telai: u know wut! there's something bugging me lately.
ed: O rly! maybe you have been bugged!
telai: yeah rly! well I just wonder how you have the will to come to this job. I mean u know....
ed: well that is simple. everyday when I wake up I check the Forbes Mag top 100 wealthiest man in the world, if Im not there I go to work.
telai: well that is clever!
ed: so wut's the show today?
telai: well have a dating game with a twist.
ed: O rly! how bout that?
telai: weve invited three sear"cheese" and of course, a searcher. well that is pretty typical.
ed: so wuts the twist? Im bugged!
telai: well if they win, theyve got to date stacys hot mom.
ed: oh! how "MILFY"!
telai: lats call in our "cheesy" searcheese! first up is the Dingle, next is Emo guy and lastly Harry F.
(applause)
ed: guys are you excited?
The Dingle: Im wet!
Harry F: ("in british accent") Im L337****!!!
telai: what! are you an alien?
Harry F: (in a very hard to understand accent) L337***!!!!!!
ed: oh well!! STFU! how bout you Emo guy?
Emo guy: Im not Emo!
telai: you look and sound familiar to me.
ed: and now welcome our searcher! hot hot stacy!
telai:(sarcasm) shes hot! (sarcasm)
ed: our first challenge is to give the best pick up line.
The Dingle: Did you fart?
Stacy: lame! why?
The Dingle: because you blow me away! ha ha ha!
Stacy: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
ed: busted! ur turn Emo guy!
Emo guy: Ill give you my bloody heart!
stacy: I love it! ur my hero!
telai: ur the man Emo guy! how bout you Harry F.
Harry F:(in british accent) you are so L337******!!
Stacy: what! but you are awesome. a bit lame, nice accent though!
telai: wut! I didnt even understand a word he said! that's terrible!
Katie: can I join. Im so into you Stacy!
telai: wtf Katie, you talk too much in the show lately.
Katie: grrrr! forchristsake! this is my goddam show!
ed: ok lets give Katie a chance.
Katie: How old are you Stacy?
Stacy: Im on my early twenties!
telai: what kind of question is that Katie?
Katie: If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
ed: I didnt know that!
telai: you are high again Katie.
Katie: I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Emo guy: your a genius Katie.
Stacy: Now I think I wud have to choose you Katie.
Katie: Sorry Stacy but I cant let you use me.
Stacy: what? you arrogant!
Katie: STFU! imo there are only three things women needs. food, sex, and a lot of compliments.
Stacy: thats not true. we also needs guys, with cars and money. I mean not rly but yeah!
Harry F: L337******!!!
telai: stop talking jerk!
(Harry F was kicked out)
Katie: Well were going nowhere here.
telai: lets do the next challenge.
Stacy: I had enough. I wont do the show anymore. Ill just text my friends.
telai: wow! Im surprised, you have friends.
the Dingle: be my friend Stacy! Im rich!
telai: ok were friends!
ed: shallow!
Katie: wtf were talking nonsense here.
telai: O rly!
the Dingle: Im so happy. Stacy like me!
telai: oh shit!
the Dingle: Im gonna faint!
Emo guy: Im gonna slit my wrist!
(the Dingle collapsed)
ed: shoot! medic!
(the Dingle was rushed to the hospital)
Stacy: see Im a girl to die for!
telai: oh em gee! your a whore!
Stacy: your pathetic!
Katie: STFU girls!
Emo guy: guys, wanna join my foundation.
ed: what are you talking about punk?
Emo guy: Its the Save-a-Life foundation.
Katie: so what does it do?
Emo guy: well basically it, you know, save lives..
telai: wtf! O rly!
ed: the world is insane Emo guys save lives.
(curtain closed)
ed: bonjour.
telai: u know wut! there's something bugging me lately.
ed: O rly! maybe you have been bugged!
telai: yeah rly! well I just wonder how you have the will to come to this job. I mean u know....
ed: well that is simple. everyday when I wake up I check the Forbes Mag top 100 wealthiest man in the world, if Im not there I go to work.
telai: well that is clever!
ed: so wut's the show today?
telai: well have a dating game with a twist.
ed: O rly! how bout that?
telai: weve invited three sear"cheese" and of course, a searcher. well that is pretty typical.
ed: so wuts the twist? Im bugged!
telai: well if they win, theyve got to date stacys hot mom.
ed: oh! how "MILFY"!
telai: lats call in our "cheesy" searcheese! first up is the Dingle, next is Emo guy and lastly Harry F.
(applause)
ed: guys are you excited?
The Dingle: Im wet!
Harry F: ("in british accent") Im L337****!!!
telai: what! are you an alien?
Harry F: (in a very hard to understand accent) L337***!!!!!!
ed: oh well!! STFU! how bout you Emo guy?
Emo guy: Im not Emo!
telai: you look and sound familiar to me.
ed: and now welcome our searcher! hot hot stacy!
telai:(sarcasm) shes hot! (sarcasm)
ed: our first challenge is to give the best pick up line.
The Dingle: Did you fart?
Stacy: lame! why?
The Dingle: because you blow me away! ha ha ha!
Stacy: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
ed: busted! ur turn Emo guy!
Emo guy: Ill give you my bloody heart!
stacy: I love it! ur my hero!
telai: ur the man Emo guy! how bout you Harry F.
Harry F:(in british accent) you are so L337******!!
Stacy: what! but you are awesome. a bit lame, nice accent though!
telai: wut! I didnt even understand a word he said! that's terrible!
Katie: can I join. Im so into you Stacy!
telai: wtf Katie, you talk too much in the show lately.
Katie: grrrr! forchristsake! this is my goddam show!
ed: ok lets give Katie a chance.
Katie: How old are you Stacy?
Stacy: Im on my early twenties!
telai: what kind of question is that Katie?
Katie: If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
ed: I didnt know that!
telai: you are high again Katie.
Katie: I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Emo guy: your a genius Katie.
Stacy: Now I think I wud have to choose you Katie.
Katie: Sorry Stacy but I cant let you use me.
Stacy: what? you arrogant!
Katie: STFU! imo there are only three things women needs. food, sex, and a lot of compliments.
Stacy: thats not true. we also needs guys, with cars and money. I mean not rly but yeah!
Harry F: L337******!!!
telai: stop talking jerk!
(Harry F was kicked out)
Katie: Well were going nowhere here.
telai: lets do the next challenge.
Stacy: I had enough. I wont do the show anymore. Ill just text my friends.
telai: wow! Im surprised, you have friends.
the Dingle: be my friend Stacy! Im rich!
telai: ok were friends!
ed: shallow!
Katie: wtf were talking nonsense here.
telai: O rly!
the Dingle: Im so happy. Stacy like me!
telai: oh shit!
the Dingle: Im gonna faint!
Emo guy: Im gonna slit my wrist!
(the Dingle collapsed)
ed: shoot! medic!
(the Dingle was rushed to the hospital)
Stacy: see Im a girl to die for!
telai: oh em gee! your a whore!
Stacy: your pathetic!
Katie: STFU girls!
Emo guy: guys, wanna join my foundation.
ed: what are you talking about punk?
Emo guy: Its the Save-a-Life foundation.
Katie: so what does it do?
Emo guy: well basically it, you know, save lives..
telai: wtf! O rly!
ed: the world is insane Emo guys save lives.
(curtain closed)
31.1.09
Episode 7: Mythbusters
Mythbusters
telai: zup!
ed: crack-a-lackin!
telai: stop it! it doesnt sound nice!
ed: today were gonna commemorate the death of our beloved Katie.
telai: (sarcasm)how saaaad! huhuhu!(sarcasm)
ed: were gonna show you a video of some of the great thing he did in his lifetime.
telai: lets watch it.
(after 1 min.)
ed: that was fast.
telai: yeah! I guess he doesnt have a lot of good things done in his lifetime!
ed: guess so! anyways, lets go on with the show.
telai: todays show is entitled "mythbusters".
ed: why! we are so copycat!
telai: the hell! because we are gonna bust a myth, you moron!
ed: whatever! what are we going to "bust".
telai: well gonna prove that hot chicks are not mean.
ed: oh yeah! how?
telai: weve invited several hot chicks to prove that to you.
ed: REALLY?!
telai: yup! lets call our guests! Jenny, Stacy, Aubrey, Michelle, Angelina, Carol, Diana, Mandy and Adrienne.
ed: whoo. its raining women. hallelujah.
telai: ok girls, lets prove to the world that hot chicks are not mean.
GIRLS: whatever!
ed: Im afraid this aint working. They are hot though.
telai: bring it on Jenny!
Jenny: first you say you wont, then you say you will you keep me hangin on, were not moving on.
telai & ed: what?
Jenny: you know, standing still Jenny, blah! blah!
(Jenny was kicked out of the studio)
ed: what was that, nerd chicks are not mean but they are weird. how bout you Stacy. why are you so hot?
Stacy: coz I got it from my mama.
telai: hmm! do you have a boyfrined?
Stacy: yeah unfortunately, he likes my mom better.
ed: I knew it! Satcys mom is a MILF!
(Stacy slap Ed)
ed: what?!
telai: how bout you Aubrey! they say your not an ordinary girl or name.
Aubrey: (sign language)
ed: your dumb!?
telai: next!!! ZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Michelle! can you do something normal, I mean you know, N-O-R-M-A-L!
Michelle: well, I sleep, eat, have sex, work and stuff. I guess thats normal. do you think so?
(michelle was kicked out too)
telai: Im getting impatient!
ed: Im enjoying! hot chicks are not mean but they are stupid! lolz!
telai: (angry) miss Agelina, are you gonna do the same thing coz Im gonna kick your ass if you do?!!!!!!!
Angelina: Habla Espanol Senora? Por Pabor!
ed: Mi ultimo Adios Senora!
(sweet senorita Angelina was kicked-out too)
telai: I guess I had enough. is there anyone here that can bring back my sanity!!!
Andrienne: I think I can. Im a graduate of BS psychology in a famous university. I can help. Im like Windows, Im user-friendly!
ed: smartass! so, do you know why thay call it "Windows", not "The Window".
Adrienne: yeah! because Bill Gates have "asdaphobia" meaning he is afraid of words without "S" at the end.
ed: make sense, I knew he's real name is Bill Gate. lol!
telai:(skeptic) are you sure?
Adrinnne: of course I am, BTW I accept all major credit card, cash and COD!
ed: HSN?
telai: stfu! get lost bitch! you Carol and Mandy, are you also onna do your thing. Better think now before Ill kick out both of you.
Carol: I think your are the real bitch here!
telai: oh yeah! this is my show you you whore!
Diana: Tang*** nyong lahat!
ed: oh! Diana is a filipina hot chick. I love chick fighting a lot better than cock fighting.
Katie: am I missing something? why are these chicks fighting?
ed: Katie! ur alive?
Katie: Of course! Im immortal! I just respawn from the fountain of life! I just lost a couple of precious gold!
ed: whatever Katie, however, see those chicks fighting? theres a lot of them earlier but they were kicked out.
Katie: that sucks! why?
ed: because they are stupid.
Katie: oh I see. so our show is Stupidist?
ed: thats clever! Can I ask you three questions?
Katie: thats the fist one. Sure! what is the second question?
ed: darn it! Are you gay?
Katie: No.
ed: really?
Katie: thats the third one. why did you ask?
ed: oh well I really dont know? but one thing certain. You are the King of Retard!
Katie: whatever you say ed!
I guess that is all the time we had.
(curtain closed)
telai: zup!
ed: crack-a-lackin!
telai: stop it! it doesnt sound nice!
ed: today were gonna commemorate the death of our beloved Katie.
telai: (sarcasm)how saaaad! huhuhu!(sarcasm)
ed: were gonna show you a video of some of the great thing he did in his lifetime.
telai: lets watch it.
(after 1 min.)
ed: that was fast.
telai: yeah! I guess he doesnt have a lot of good things done in his lifetime!
ed: guess so! anyways, lets go on with the show.
telai: todays show is entitled "mythbusters".
ed: why! we are so copycat!
telai: the hell! because we are gonna bust a myth, you moron!
ed: whatever! what are we going to "bust".
telai: well gonna prove that hot chicks are not mean.
ed: oh yeah! how?
telai: weve invited several hot chicks to prove that to you.
ed: REALLY?!
telai: yup! lets call our guests! Jenny, Stacy, Aubrey, Michelle, Angelina, Carol, Diana, Mandy and Adrienne.
ed: whoo. its raining women. hallelujah.
telai: ok girls, lets prove to the world that hot chicks are not mean.
GIRLS: whatever!
ed: Im afraid this aint working. They are hot though.
telai: bring it on Jenny!
Jenny: first you say you wont, then you say you will you keep me hangin on, were not moving on.
telai & ed: what?
Jenny: you know, standing still Jenny, blah! blah!
(Jenny was kicked out of the studio)
ed: what was that, nerd chicks are not mean but they are weird. how bout you Stacy. why are you so hot?
Stacy: coz I got it from my mama.
telai: hmm! do you have a boyfrined?
Stacy: yeah unfortunately, he likes my mom better.
ed: I knew it! Satcys mom is a MILF!
(Stacy slap Ed)
ed: what?!
telai: how bout you Aubrey! they say your not an ordinary girl or name.
Aubrey: (sign language)
ed: your dumb!?
telai: next!!! ZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Michelle! can you do something normal, I mean you know, N-O-R-M-A-L!
Michelle: well, I sleep, eat, have sex, work and stuff. I guess thats normal. do you think so?
(michelle was kicked out too)
telai: Im getting impatient!
ed: Im enjoying! hot chicks are not mean but they are stupid! lolz!
telai: (angry) miss Agelina, are you gonna do the same thing coz Im gonna kick your ass if you do?!!!!!!!
Angelina: Habla Espanol Senora? Por Pabor!
ed: Mi ultimo Adios Senora!
(sweet senorita Angelina was kicked-out too)
telai: I guess I had enough. is there anyone here that can bring back my sanity!!!
Andrienne: I think I can. Im a graduate of BS psychology in a famous university. I can help. Im like Windows, Im user-friendly!
ed: smartass! so, do you know why thay call it "Windows", not "The Window".
Adrienne: yeah! because Bill Gates have "asdaphobia" meaning he is afraid of words without "S" at the end.
ed: make sense, I knew he's real name is Bill Gate. lol!
telai:(skeptic) are you sure?
Adrinnne: of course I am, BTW I accept all major credit card, cash and COD!
ed: HSN?
telai: stfu! get lost bitch! you Carol and Mandy, are you also onna do your thing. Better think now before Ill kick out both of you.
Carol: I think your are the real bitch here!
telai: oh yeah! this is my show you you whore!
Diana: Tang*** nyong lahat!
ed: oh! Diana is a filipina hot chick. I love chick fighting a lot better than cock fighting.
Katie: am I missing something? why are these chicks fighting?
ed: Katie! ur alive?
Katie: Of course! Im immortal! I just respawn from the fountain of life! I just lost a couple of precious gold!
ed: whatever Katie, however, see those chicks fighting? theres a lot of them earlier but they were kicked out.
Katie: that sucks! why?
ed: because they are stupid.
Katie: oh I see. so our show is Stupidist?
ed: thats clever! Can I ask you three questions?
Katie: thats the fist one. Sure! what is the second question?
ed: darn it! Are you gay?
Katie: No.
ed: really?
Katie: thats the third one. why did you ask?
ed: oh well I really dont know? but one thing certain. You are the King of Retard!
Katie: whatever you say ed!
I guess that is all the time we had.
(curtain closed)
18.1.09
Episode 6: The Tech show
telai: zup guys.
ed: hi!
telai: since the only thing that is constant in this world is change, we're up to the challenge.
ed: we've decided to change the name of the show to a more catchy and informative name.
telai: yes, that is right. it is now called the Ed & Telai Tech show.
ed: that's right, now I think a show will suck a little lesser now or maybe not.
telai: we'll see then.
(Katie enters)
ed: crack-a-lackin Katie, why are you here?
Katie: nothing!
telai: you seem lonely
Katie: yeah, Im feeling Emoish today!
ed: why, did you loose in your DOTA game lately.
Katie: WTF! no I did not, Im Beyond GODLIKE!
telai: so why do you feel Emoish today? are you feeling suicidal?
Katie: kinda,
ed: why?
Katie: because apparently, a big percentage of the world population don't like our show.
ed: nah! we know that. our show suck.
Katie: I know that, but not all things that suck is meant to be hated.
telai: whatever dude. about how many percent?
Katie: I think 97%.
telai: wow thats pretty low.
Katie: apprently, only the 3 of us like the show.
telai: I dont like the show.
ed: me either.
Katie: ok I give up, me either, so its 100%, nobody like the show.
telai: that is fine Katie, anyway the show must go on.
ed: right, since were our now a techie show, we've brought in 2 techie guests for todays episode.
telai: let call our first guest. his name is Mr. Hamtaro.
(applause)
telai: our next guest is Mr. Baldemoore.
ed: so where is he?
telai: well I think he did not come.
ed: yeah I knew this was coming. Its like dejavu, like Ive been here before.
telai: what do you mean.
ed: You know, he's drawing.
telai: anyway Hamtaro is already here, so Hamtaro, they say you are techie.
Ham: yeah I am.
ed: why did you say so?
Ham: well, I basically eat, drink, sleep and breathe technology.
ed: thats awesome! what do you do for a living?
Ham: Im workin at knowledge generation bureau. that is a kickass job dude.
ed: so, what do you do in your spare time.
Ham: I play ps2 during my lunch, I play psp when Im travelling, I play PC when I dont have work, and I also play balls.
ed: wow you are really a gamer!
Ham: that is an understatement dude. Im not a "gamer", im a "baller".
ed: so what is the difference between a gamer and a baller?
Ham: well a gamer is someone who plays the game, while ballers like us live the life of the game.
telai: wow make sense to me.
ed: let us talk about computer now, im sure you know lot about computers.
Ham: well, kinda.ed: what should I do to have a good PC set up.
Ham: well, let others do that for you.
telai: that's clever.
ed: what can you do to avoid viruses?
Ham: stay away from porn.
ed: wtf! what about if you are horny?
Ham: then you could be a unicorn.
telai: you are not very helpful.
Ham: just kidding. just scratch it and it will be gone in no time.
telai: whatever, so did you ever tried fixing your own computer?
Ham: well, I did however, I failed miserably. lesson learned "never try".
ed: what? you are so "Katiestic".
Ham: what the hell is that mean "Katiestic".
ed: well you've just state one of our very own Katie aka the creator of the show's tedious ideologist.
Ham: well I said it is mine now. you may call it "Hamtaroism". sounds awesome, right!
telai: not really, well since you are feeling "Einsteinistic" today, can you give our buddy Katie here an advice on how to make our show less of a sucker? he's feeling kinda suicidal today coz of that.
Ham: well, since there is an overwhelming worldwide economic depression & and neverending inflation, he might as well do some economic measures.
ed: what exactly do you mean by that?
Ham: well he can fire one of you.
telai: stfu mr. Ham!
Ham: cmon people, you know Im right.
ed: well if thats the case then I should be the one who should stay.
telai: wtf ed, I will stay.
Ham: cmon guys don't do it that way. why don't we have a contest.wanna try archery?
ed: that will be easy for me. Ive been the archery champion in college.
telai: me too, ive been a champion in that sport.
ed: cmon telai, ive dominated the male and female division.
telai: well Im better coz ive dominated the blindfold division including the gay and lesbian division.
Ham: well have to see it guys. Katie, you can hold the target. these guys are champions so you'll be safe. you are feeling kinda suicidal anyway.
Katie: wtf guys, whatever. do what you want!
Ham: you do it first ed.
(ed get an apple and put it on Katie's head, he stand 5km away and shoot. he amazingly hit the target)
ed: I am legend!
telai: is that all. watch me!
(telai get a smaller apple and put it on Katie's head, she stood 10km away then shoot. she also hit the target)
telai: im legendier!
Ham: stfu guys! you two should be fired. I can do a lot better than that. watch me!
(Mr. Hamtaro get a pea, put it on Katie's head, stand 15kms away and shoot. He hit Katie straght into his chest)
(Katie died)
(curtain closed)
16.1.09
Episode 5: Interview with Katie..finally..
telai: hey guys, welcome come to our show, did you notice guys that I did not include any adjective to our show because I personally think it sucks.
ed: yeah me too.. well I mean it sucks but it is awesome coz you know.. I mean .. I really dont know at least that is what the title say..damn..
telai: anyways..since even the hosts think it sucks why wouldn't we ask the creator of the show why he made such a show that not just suck but definitely pathetic. remember, he used to call himself the Voice over but now hes gonna reveal himself.
ed: he said hes name is Katie. take note, he is a guy.. it not because he is androgynous or something, he just want to call himself that way.. I mean ..I really dont care bout that. let us just call him..
(katie enters..applause)
telai: whatever..
ed: yeah right...
telai: im excited...yeah I am..duh...
ed: so here we go guys..were gonna do a lame interview with a a lame guest to a pathetic show.. thats a paradox guys.. yeah I think.. I mean you know..so katie..why did you make such a pathetic show like this..
Katie: wait..let me think...
ed: well see guys.. thats how pathetic this show is.
Katie: you really love your job.. dont yah..
ed: yeah I mean right now I really dont care if loose my job..so go on fire me if you want..buddy..
telai: for me I think I love my job I mean.. even though the show sucks at least I have a show..isnt that awesome..
ed: yeah right..so Katie are you done thinking..
Katie: I guess so...I mean its not that I am stupid or something.. nor dumb or whatever you wanna call it..I mean yeah..
telai: what?
Katie: Yeah.. this show sucks..do you think so..
telai: duh this is your show!
Katie: yah I know.. I mean I really dont know anything, but the fact that I know nothing means that I know something because I know that I know nothing..right?
telai: what?
ed: f**K?
Katie: stfu guys.. ok now lets make the topic sensible...Im hear to reveal the true purpose of this show..I mean you know its mission/ vision..
telai: as if it has one..
Katie: yeah of course it has..
ed: like what?
Katie: cmon guys..get a life. you are the hosts here..
ed & telai: yeah right!
Katie: alright lets be mature here, dont you know that being pathetic is awesome. I mean
Katie: I know I will never get far with this attitude but who cares?
telai: now were talking..then what?
Katie: I mean not being pathetic is boring and pointless..not all the time but its like a escape from reality like getting drunk or something..
ed: meaning being senseless and pathetic help you escape from reality.. and doing nothing is much worse than doing something useless..
Katie: kinda like that..I mean if no one is interested with your mature and sensible ideologists..that sucks.. but it doesn't mean you are not capable of something else..I mean yeah..
telai: so what now?
Katie: I mean doing something that sucks is not a waste of time if you have all the time in the world..
ed: make sense.however.. Im still unconvince..
Katie: you really underestimating me.. dont yah..
telai: huh?
Katie: yeah I understand...but I cant blame myself for sucking..I mean you can only blame yourself once then move on...
ed: ok?!
Katie: sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. and I'm tired of making other feel good about themselves. their heads are getting bigger everyday...
ed: meaning you wanna make fun of someone else for your own enjoyment.. you're not just lame.. you are also mean..
Katie: Not me they are the one whos mean...I mean Ive tried to be sensible once but I failed miserably, I mean they laugh at me they dispiced me.. lesson learned "never try". See thats how optimistic I am.
telai: the hell!
Katie: Yeah! optimistic and complicated at the same time...I mean ask yourself "do you like your job done right or do you want it done fast?"
ed: ill choose both.. can I?
Katie: of course you can sometimes but this time not...
ed: well ill choose to do it right...and then what?
Katie: well that is lame dude..that is not awesome...I mean most of the time doing something fast make you accomplish more job at a time, however haste make waste if you are a sucker, but me Im not. I do my job fast, I mean if you messed up then your screwed but if you did it right that is something else...
telai: cmon, what if you get caught?
Katie: So what? what do you mean anyway...
telai: well rushing your job means you are sacrificing elements that could have make it better..
Katie: well that is the catch here.. you only suck when you get caught, see that is why im invincible..
ed: the hell..stfu..you made the most pathetic show on earth.. the sad thing is that I am the host..damn it..your really bad..
Katie: It is absurd to divide people into good and bad buddy. People are either charming or tedious.. see im neither tedious nor charming.. its really complicated...
telai: I guess we have to end the show now.. we're going nowhere..
Katie: stfu guys...you are just plain loosers... lolz
ed: I think you're an a**hole..
telai: you two are whatever...
Katie: Well heres what you need to know.. I have the simplest tastes..im satisfied with the best..rofl...
ed: what!
telai: the hell!
(curtain closed)
ed: yeah me too.. well I mean it sucks but it is awesome coz you know.. I mean .. I really dont know at least that is what the title say..damn..
telai: anyways..since even the hosts think it sucks why wouldn't we ask the creator of the show why he made such a show that not just suck but definitely pathetic. remember, he used to call himself the Voice over but now hes gonna reveal himself.
ed: he said hes name is Katie. take note, he is a guy.. it not because he is androgynous or something, he just want to call himself that way.. I mean ..I really dont care bout that. let us just call him..
(katie enters..applause)
telai: whatever..
ed: yeah right...
telai: im excited...yeah I am..duh...
ed: so here we go guys..were gonna do a lame interview with a a lame guest to a pathetic show.. thats a paradox guys.. yeah I think.. I mean you know..so katie..why did you make such a pathetic show like this..
Katie: wait..let me think...
ed: well see guys.. thats how pathetic this show is.
Katie: you really love your job.. dont yah..
ed: yeah I mean right now I really dont care if loose my job..so go on fire me if you want..buddy..
telai: for me I think I love my job I mean.. even though the show sucks at least I have a show..isnt that awesome..
ed: yeah right..so Katie are you done thinking..
Katie: I guess so...I mean its not that I am stupid or something.. nor dumb or whatever you wanna call it..I mean yeah..
telai: what?
Katie: Yeah.. this show sucks..do you think so..
telai: duh this is your show!
Katie: yah I know.. I mean I really dont know anything, but the fact that I know nothing means that I know something because I know that I know nothing..right?
telai: what?
ed: f**K?
Katie: stfu guys.. ok now lets make the topic sensible...Im hear to reveal the true purpose of this show..I mean you know its mission/ vision..
telai: as if it has one..
Katie: yeah of course it has..
ed: like what?
Katie: cmon guys..get a life. you are the hosts here..
ed & telai: yeah right!
Katie: alright lets be mature here, dont you know that being pathetic is awesome. I mean
“Life is a paradox, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't”
ed: what?Katie: I know I will never get far with this attitude but who cares?
telai: now were talking..then what?
Katie: I mean not being pathetic is boring and pointless..not all the time but its like a escape from reality like getting drunk or something..
ed: meaning being senseless and pathetic help you escape from reality.. and doing nothing is much worse than doing something useless..
Katie: kinda like that..I mean if no one is interested with your mature and sensible ideologists..that sucks.. but it doesn't mean you are not capable of something else..I mean yeah..
telai: so what now?
Katie: I mean doing something that sucks is not a waste of time if you have all the time in the world..
ed: make sense.however.. Im still unconvince..
Katie: you really underestimating me.. dont yah..
telai: huh?
Katie: yeah I understand...but I cant blame myself for sucking..I mean you can only blame yourself once then move on...
ed: ok?!
Katie: sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. and I'm tired of making other feel good about themselves. their heads are getting bigger everyday...
ed: meaning you wanna make fun of someone else for your own enjoyment.. you're not just lame.. you are also mean..
Katie: Not me they are the one whos mean...I mean Ive tried to be sensible once but I failed miserably, I mean they laugh at me they dispiced me.. lesson learned "never try". See thats how optimistic I am.
telai: the hell!
Katie: Yeah! optimistic and complicated at the same time...I mean ask yourself "do you like your job done right or do you want it done fast?"
ed: ill choose both.. can I?
Katie: of course you can sometimes but this time not...
ed: well ill choose to do it right...and then what?
Katie: well that is lame dude..that is not awesome...I mean most of the time doing something fast make you accomplish more job at a time, however haste make waste if you are a sucker, but me Im not. I do my job fast, I mean if you messed up then your screwed but if you did it right that is something else...
telai: cmon, what if you get caught?
Katie: So what? what do you mean anyway...
telai: well rushing your job means you are sacrificing elements that could have make it better..
Katie: well that is the catch here.. you only suck when you get caught, see that is why im invincible..
ed: the hell..stfu..you made the most pathetic show on earth.. the sad thing is that I am the host..damn it..your really bad..
Katie: It is absurd to divide people into good and bad buddy. People are either charming or tedious.. see im neither tedious nor charming.. its really complicated...
telai: I guess we have to end the show now.. we're going nowhere..
Katie: stfu guys...you are just plain loosers... lolz
ed: I think you're an a**hole..
telai: you two are whatever...
Katie: Well heres what you need to know.. I have the simplest tastes..im satisfied with the best..rofl...
ed: what!
telai: the hell!
(curtain closed)
Epiosde 4: Yo momma....
Warning: The names and characters used in this show are purely fictional. Anything related to real life is just a co-incidence. Seriously!
Episode 4
telai: zup boys and gals.
ed: due to our very poor rating, weve decided to change the theme of our show from a mature talk show to a so called child oriented talk show.
telai: cool ryt?
ed: yeah, i mean this is one of the best thing ever happen to a talk show! or not! You know.. I mean.
telai: anyway, since we are child oriented weve decided to invite a very child oriented guest.
ed: really now?
telai: hes name is Mr. Reserve?
ed: what? reserve as in Army Reserve. I thought we wouldn't be weird anymore.
telai: well ed, he is not that weird. in fact he is awesome!
ed: really! in what way.
telai: you'll see when we talk to him, ok now, let us all welcome our guest Mr. Reserve.
(applause)
ed: hi Mr Reserve.
MR: hi too! buddy!
ed: wow, you really sound cool. so whats been up man? they say you are "child oriented"
MR: oh really now, who said that?
ed: why, my partner here said you are, I mean if you are not it is fine with me, however, since our show is supposed to be child oriented, I mean you should be one. Or I guess not!
MR: well if thats what you want I can do that. I mean you know, I am very flexible bcoz I go to the gym. can you see my muskels!
telai: did you just say "muskels" isnt that baby fat?
ed: cmon telai, there you go again!
telai: well sorry, but Im just telling the truth.
ed: anyway, let us go back to being child oriented, so how did you become child oriented
MR: well you see, Im young, I mean you know.
telai: oh really now!
MR: well yeah, seriously!
ed: what about being child oriented. I mean do you like child or something?
MR: well kinda. I really like young women. especially reserve women. that is why they call me Mr. Reserve.
telai: what?
ed: no I mean child, like kids you know, not just women but those infants and stuff.
MR: yeah I mean that is awesome but seriously I like women better.
ed: cmon this isnt going right! ok now, Im really getting pissed now, do you watch spongebob or powerpuff girls or something? I mean you know those are for kids.
MR: yeah, rarely, that is awesome but I like Hentai better, seriously.
ed: what?
telai: I think that is cool.
ed: what again? are you both some kind of "perve" or something.
MR: not really, I mean I just do it during my spare time, Im really an outgoing guy, I mean you know. seriously!
ed: the hell! can anybody call security or something. let this guy aka Mr. Reserve be kicked out.
MR: WTF! I thing you are "So yesterday buddy".
ed: No im not. It is just our show is inteded to be for kids. Not for perves.
MR: So what! You invited me here then youll gonna kick me out. that is so gay man!
ed: well I dont care, I think you momma so stupid she let you grew up like that.
MR: so thats what you want. I think you momma so thin she fits into a pencil case.
ed: oh thats all youve got. I think yo momma so fat, she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.
MR: yo momma so old she still owes Moses a dollar.
ed: aha! yo momma so smelly hat standing next to a skunk, the Skunko smells sweet!
MR: yo momma so stupid she invented a silent car alarm.
ed: yo momma so stupid she once get fired from a blow job.
telai: this is so fun! sorry guys that is all the time we had. stay tune for the next child friendly episode of the Ed and Telai Talk show. bye.
(curtain closed)
Episode 4
telai: zup boys and gals.
ed: due to our very poor rating, weve decided to change the theme of our show from a mature talk show to a so called child oriented talk show.
telai: cool ryt?
ed: yeah, i mean this is one of the best thing ever happen to a talk show! or not! You know.. I mean.
telai: anyway, since we are child oriented weve decided to invite a very child oriented guest.
ed: really now?
telai: hes name is Mr. Reserve?
ed: what? reserve as in Army Reserve. I thought we wouldn't be weird anymore.
telai: well ed, he is not that weird. in fact he is awesome!
ed: really! in what way.
telai: you'll see when we talk to him, ok now, let us all welcome our guest Mr. Reserve.
(applause)
ed: hi Mr Reserve.
MR: hi too! buddy!
ed: wow, you really sound cool. so whats been up man? they say you are "child oriented"
MR: oh really now, who said that?
ed: why, my partner here said you are, I mean if you are not it is fine with me, however, since our show is supposed to be child oriented, I mean you should be one. Or I guess not!
MR: well if thats what you want I can do that. I mean you know, I am very flexible bcoz I go to the gym. can you see my muskels!
telai: did you just say "muskels" isnt that baby fat?
ed: cmon telai, there you go again!
telai: well sorry, but Im just telling the truth.
ed: anyway, let us go back to being child oriented, so how did you become child oriented
MR: well you see, Im young, I mean you know.
telai: oh really now!
MR: well yeah, seriously!
ed: what about being child oriented. I mean do you like child or something?
MR: well kinda. I really like young women. especially reserve women. that is why they call me Mr. Reserve.
telai: what?
ed: no I mean child, like kids you know, not just women but those infants and stuff.
MR: yeah I mean that is awesome but seriously I like women better.
ed: cmon this isnt going right! ok now, Im really getting pissed now, do you watch spongebob or powerpuff girls or something? I mean you know those are for kids.
MR: yeah, rarely, that is awesome but I like Hentai better, seriously.
ed: what?
telai: I think that is cool.
ed: what again? are you both some kind of "perve" or something.
MR: not really, I mean I just do it during my spare time, Im really an outgoing guy, I mean you know. seriously!
ed: the hell! can anybody call security or something. let this guy aka Mr. Reserve be kicked out.
MR: WTF! I thing you are "So yesterday buddy".
ed: No im not. It is just our show is inteded to be for kids. Not for perves.
MR: So what! You invited me here then youll gonna kick me out. that is so gay man!
ed: well I dont care, I think you momma so stupid she let you grew up like that.
MR: so thats what you want. I think you momma so thin she fits into a pencil case.
ed: oh thats all youve got. I think yo momma so fat, she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.
MR: yo momma so old she still owes Moses a dollar.
ed: aha! yo momma so smelly hat standing next to a skunk, the Skunko smells sweet!
MR: yo momma so stupid she invented a silent car alarm.
ed: yo momma so stupid she once get fired from a blow job.
telai: this is so fun! sorry guys that is all the time we had. stay tune for the next child friendly episode of the Ed and Telai Talk show. bye.
(curtain closed)
Epiosde 3: Battle of the Sexes!
Warning: The names and characters used in this show are purely fictional. Anything related to real life is just a co-incidence. Seriously!
Episode 3
telai: welcome to another exciting episode of the telai & ed talk show..
ed: yeah.. Im getting the impression that we dont have any sponsors left bcoz our show..sucks
telai: dont lose hope ed.. its not the end of the world.. well get over this.. trust me..
ed: well I guess that is all I have to do.. trust you.. damn it..
telai:well since our first two episode did not work out well we've decided to do something different this time.
ed: really now..
telai: yeah and this is gonna be huge. I mean first time in the history of our talk show..
ed: really im really excited.. what about that?
telai: u should be
ed: anyway who is our guest?
telai: no one..
ed: what? did u just say no one..
telai: yes.. did u just get deaf now ed I said no one..
ed: you mean were going to have a talk show without a guest? Is that even possible?
telai: yeah I think so.. anyways our guest just pissing me off so why bother to have one now.. besides we will be the guest of our own show. isnt that cool?
ed: cool?! wtf telai.. that is so lame.. so boring.. so.. I mean. so so...
telai: relax ed.. this is just a show..
ed: anyway Im just exaggerating..I also thaught that is a great idea..
telai: well just have to deal with this now.. on our own.
ed: so what about us?
telai: well I mean you know we could talk about anything about me for this episode then about you the next time..
ed: isnt that unfair.. Im the guy here well talk about me first..
telai: oh cmon.. is the gentleman type of guy really out of existence?.haven't you remember the saying" ladies first"
ed: cmon telai you are so "yesterday", that doesnt work these days anymore.. you are asking for equality.. thats equality we are giving you.. if you wanna be part of the higher government offices, dont expect us guys to treat you like a princess. dont expect us to carry ur bag when it is heavy and dont expect us to you know.. to court you..
ed: well I guess gentleman is a rare breed now.. and who the hell told you that we are expecting such things these days.. Im not..besides Im not too feminine.. I have my musculine sides.. Im not saying Im Lesbian however I do like girs thoug..sometimes
ed: now this turns out to be a battle of the sexes. I thaught it should be about us..
telai: well I guess it is not that way anymore..you started it so make your stand and prepare to beaten..
ed: telai.. remember we are partners here.. we shouldnt be fighting..
telai: we are not fighting.. we are just debating..
ed: well debating is a form of fighting.. only verbally..
telai: I guess ur right, I think Im just carried away by my emotion..but still think you are a sexist.
ed: what?
telai: I mean you know you dont respect the right of the women..
ed: what? am I some kind of rapist or something..
telai: duh.. did I say anything like that...
(bell rings)
ed: wel I guess that is all time we have..Im just sad we didnt have the chance to talk about "ourselves".
telai: wel I guess we did.. in behalf of all my females comrade, we fight for our rights..women rights..
ed: whatever.. I think ur too serious about it.. can we jsut stop this talk about sexes.. Im tired of it..
telai: what if I say no.. I mean.. that is my right.. right to express myself..right?
ed: well that is right.. now were talking about rights.. Im really sick of it..can turn off the lights now.. lets finish the show..I guess I want my right for privacy.. please.. or telai's right to remain silence.
telai: well now u wanna fight for ur right.. and you are depriving my right.. that isnt right..
ed: to the right.. to the right..
Voice over: the show is done.. we dont have time anymore,..
ed: thank God..
Voice over: we also have the right to finish the show..
ed: Nice job voice over..
(curtain closed)
Episode 3
telai: welcome to another exciting episode of the telai & ed talk show..
ed: yeah.. Im getting the impression that we dont have any sponsors left bcoz our show..sucks
telai: dont lose hope ed.. its not the end of the world.. well get over this.. trust me..
ed: well I guess that is all I have to do.. trust you.. damn it..
telai:well since our first two episode did not work out well we've decided to do something different this time.
ed: really now..
telai: yeah and this is gonna be huge. I mean first time in the history of our talk show..
ed: really im really excited.. what about that?
telai: u should be
ed: anyway who is our guest?
telai: no one..
ed: what? did u just say no one..
telai: yes.. did u just get deaf now ed I said no one..
ed: you mean were going to have a talk show without a guest? Is that even possible?
telai: yeah I think so.. anyways our guest just pissing me off so why bother to have one now.. besides we will be the guest of our own show. isnt that cool?
ed: cool?! wtf telai.. that is so lame.. so boring.. so.. I mean. so so...
telai: relax ed.. this is just a show..
ed: anyway Im just exaggerating..I also thaught that is a great idea..
telai: well just have to deal with this now.. on our own.
ed: so what about us?
telai: well I mean you know we could talk about anything about me for this episode then about you the next time..
ed: isnt that unfair.. Im the guy here well talk about me first..
telai: oh cmon.. is the gentleman type of guy really out of existence?.haven't you remember the saying" ladies first"
ed: cmon telai you are so "yesterday", that doesnt work these days anymore.. you are asking for equality.. thats equality we are giving you.. if you wanna be part of the higher government offices, dont expect us guys to treat you like a princess. dont expect us to carry ur bag when it is heavy and dont expect us to you know.. to court you..
ed: well I guess gentleman is a rare breed now.. and who the hell told you that we are expecting such things these days.. Im not..besides Im not too feminine.. I have my musculine sides.. Im not saying Im Lesbian however I do like girs thoug..sometimes
ed: now this turns out to be a battle of the sexes. I thaught it should be about us..
telai: well I guess it is not that way anymore..you started it so make your stand and prepare to beaten..
ed: telai.. remember we are partners here.. we shouldnt be fighting..
telai: we are not fighting.. we are just debating..
ed: well debating is a form of fighting.. only verbally..
telai: I guess ur right, I think Im just carried away by my emotion..but still think you are a sexist.
ed: what?
telai: I mean you know you dont respect the right of the women..
ed: what? am I some kind of rapist or something..
telai: duh.. did I say anything like that...
(bell rings)
ed: wel I guess that is all time we have..Im just sad we didnt have the chance to talk about "ourselves".
telai: wel I guess we did.. in behalf of all my females comrade, we fight for our rights..women rights..
ed: whatever.. I think ur too serious about it.. can we jsut stop this talk about sexes.. Im tired of it..
telai: what if I say no.. I mean.. that is my right.. right to express myself..right?
ed: well that is right.. now were talking about rights.. Im really sick of it..can turn off the lights now.. lets finish the show..I guess I want my right for privacy.. please.. or telai's right to remain silence.
telai: well now u wanna fight for ur right.. and you are depriving my right.. that isnt right..
ed: to the right.. to the right..
Voice over: the show is done.. we dont have time anymore,..
ed: thank God..
Voice over: we also have the right to finish the show..
ed: Nice job voice over..
(curtain closed)
Epiosde 2: Im not Emo....
Warning: The names and characters used in this show are purely fictional. Anything related to real life is just a co-incidence. Seriously!
Episode 2
telai: welcome back to another exciting episode of the Telai & Ed talk show...
ed: well sorry guys that our first episode turns out tragic..
telai: well I think it was really a bad idea to get a really unknown guest with a really weird name for a shows pilot episode..
ed: yeah ur ryt..
(voice over was heard)
VO: what r u talking about guys? I am the producer of this show I have the right to choose the guest I want. u are just host here. say something lyk that and Ill fire you. understand..
telai: But...
VO: STFU.. wanna get fired?
Telai: well I guess u leave me no choice here..
ed: anyway.. let us go to our next guest for this episode.. how I wish shes not as weird as the first one we had.
telai: well I hope so.. so I can be nicer this time..
ed: well I guess you should be or else get fired..anyways our next guest is sum1 familiar to us.. his name is Jun..
(applase)
telai: I guess too familiar..what a small world.
ed: well that how life is. maybe ur meant to be..
telai: what do u mean.. I dont like EMO..
ed: well who said jun is EMO.
telai: I dont know it just popped out of nowhere..
ed: well I guess we'll have to talk to our guest now. Hi guest .. I mean HI Jun..
Jun: Hi telai!
telai: whatever..
ed: Cmon telai. u said ul be nice this time..
telai: well ill try to but dont expect me to be super nice..
ed: oh well I guess well have to deal with this.. so my partner here telai aka ms mean gurl had an impression that u are EMO.what can you just say about that?
Jun: about what?
ed: that you are EMO? she think? but for me ur not. I mean I think. bcoz....
Jun: what?
ed: becoz u know.. you dont have the bangs, I mean u dont wear black clothes and ur not,, I mean U know...I mean yes...
telai: hes EMO I think..
ed: I think telai knows more about you than me coz u have been together for quite some time now..but I still dont get it.. But are u really EMO? anyways whats is wrong with being EMO?
Jun: Well I guys Im gonna make it clear to you " Im not EMO" I am "post hardcore".
ed: what are you? a poser?
Jun: the hell! definitely not..Post hardcore is just a fancy term for EMO..
telai: so ur really EMO..
Jun: what? how many times will I tell you Im not emo.. are u insane guys.. WTF>>
ed: realx jun this is just a show.. and well not force you being emo if you dont want to be tagged as emo.. But isnt it that emo and post hardcore is just one and the same? or maybe not? I mean u know if you say so, it is not then maybe it is? well I mean I really dont know. I guess! Well I mean..u know
Jun:(getting angry)
telai: Ive told you hes EMO. no doubt..
(Jun stay silent) (hes pissed)
telai:now our guest is in EMO mode now..
ed: well this is going awkward now.. I guess well have to end this show now..this way.. I mean yeah is it really supposed to be this way way... I mean .. it shouldn't be.. but I mean u know.. Hmmp.. Not again..
telai: well I guess thats the way it supposed to be..
ed; Just wanna make it clear guys.. That Jun is not EMO.. I comes from his own mouth that he is not..bye guys see next tym....
telai: see yah...
(curtain closed)
Episode 2
telai: welcome back to another exciting episode of the Telai & Ed talk show...
ed: well sorry guys that our first episode turns out tragic..
telai: well I think it was really a bad idea to get a really unknown guest with a really weird name for a shows pilot episode..
ed: yeah ur ryt..
(voice over was heard)
VO: what r u talking about guys? I am the producer of this show I have the right to choose the guest I want. u are just host here. say something lyk that and Ill fire you. understand..
telai: But...
VO: STFU.. wanna get fired?
Telai: well I guess u leave me no choice here..
ed: anyway.. let us go to our next guest for this episode.. how I wish shes not as weird as the first one we had.
telai: well I hope so.. so I can be nicer this time..
ed: well I guess you should be or else get fired..anyways our next guest is sum1 familiar to us.. his name is Jun..
(applase)
telai: I guess too familiar..what a small world.
ed: well that how life is. maybe ur meant to be..
telai: what do u mean.. I dont like EMO..
ed: well who said jun is EMO.
telai: I dont know it just popped out of nowhere..
ed: well I guess we'll have to talk to our guest now. Hi guest .. I mean HI Jun..
Jun: Hi telai!
telai: whatever..
ed: Cmon telai. u said ul be nice this time..
telai: well ill try to but dont expect me to be super nice..
ed: oh well I guess well have to deal with this.. so my partner here telai aka ms mean gurl had an impression that u are EMO.what can you just say about that?
Jun: about what?
ed: that you are EMO? she think? but for me ur not. I mean I think. bcoz....
Jun: what?
ed: becoz u know.. you dont have the bangs, I mean u dont wear black clothes and ur not,, I mean U know...I mean yes...
telai: hes EMO I think..
ed: I think telai knows more about you than me coz u have been together for quite some time now..but I still dont get it.. But are u really EMO? anyways whats is wrong with being EMO?
Jun: Well I guys Im gonna make it clear to you " Im not EMO" I am "post hardcore".
ed: what are you? a poser?
Jun: the hell! definitely not..Post hardcore is just a fancy term for EMO..
telai: so ur really EMO..
Jun: what? how many times will I tell you Im not emo.. are u insane guys.. WTF>>
ed: realx jun this is just a show.. and well not force you being emo if you dont want to be tagged as emo.. But isnt it that emo and post hardcore is just one and the same? or maybe not? I mean u know if you say so, it is not then maybe it is? well I mean I really dont know. I guess! Well I mean..u know
Jun:(getting angry)
telai: Ive told you hes EMO. no doubt..
(Jun stay silent) (hes pissed)
telai:now our guest is in EMO mode now..
ed: well this is going awkward now.. I guess well have to end this show now..this way.. I mean yeah is it really supposed to be this way way... I mean .. it shouldn't be.. but I mean u know.. Hmmp.. Not again..
telai: well I guess thats the way it supposed to be..
ed; Just wanna make it clear guys.. That Jun is not EMO.. I comes from his own mouth that he is not..bye guys see next tym....
telai: see yah...
(curtain closed)
Epiosde 1: Pilot Episode...
WELCOME TO THE "ED & TELAI TALK SHOW"
Warning: The names and characters used in this show are purely fictional. Anything related to real life is just a co-incidence. Seriously!
Episode 1
Telai: Hi guys!
Ed: Hi to all!
Telai: My name is Telai..
Ed: and my name is Ed..
Telai & Ed: And this is the Telai & Ed talk show
(applause)
Telai: We wanna welcome u guys to our very 1st episode and we are here to present you our 1st ever guest.
Ed: Let us all welcome TM..
(applause again.. recorded)
Ed: By the way TM is a very popular singer.
Telai: Really? I only heard her just now.
Ed: Me too but they say shes popular.
Telai: Anyway let's just interview her...
Ed: Anyway shes popular now coz shes in our show...
Telai: Yes..
Telai: So TM, why do u have such a name. does it stand for anything?
TM: Yes of course. "M" stands for Moren short for Moreno.
Ed: Kinda like Herman Moreno. Oh cool. What about your 1st name?
TM: It stands for my first name. But it doesn't sound gud that is why preferred to be called "TM".
Telai: O rly! We really wanna know...
TM: Alright, "T" stands for "Tangna". So my full name is Tangna Moren. Got it?
Ed: Yeah ur ryt. It doesn't sound nice, at all..
TM: Told yeah!!
Telai: Alryt now, lets go to the singing part. They say ur a popular singer.
TM: Yeah I am.
Telai: So what have u been doin lately?
Ed: Duh. I believe she was singing!
Telai: Cmon ed.. singers do not sing all the time.. they also do sumthin else, lyk u know, dancin, eating, drinking & having sex, I think.
Ed: Well yah. ur kinda ryt.so TM, do u do all those things.
TM: Well lately Ive been writing some songs.
Welai: Wow that is great.. so what's the title of the song..
TM: It is called "Im beautiful, Im Sexy, Im pretty."
Telai: Oh really now! You have too much of urself.
Ed: Telai do not treat our guest lyk that.. anyway..what is the song all about?
TM: Well it is about u know world peace and evrything. honestly I really dont know
Telai: I told u ed. I think shes stupid.
TM: What did you just say??
Ed: Telai, what ru doing? Be nice to her..
Telai: Well Ed Id try to but I think shes really stupid..
Ed: Stop it telai, shell be crying in no time.. Well TM can u sing that song for us?!
TM: Sorry but I cant.. Ive just finished writing it so soI dont have a melody yet..
Telai: See! Shes really stupid..Were wasting our time here...
(TM starts to cry)
Ed: dont cry tangna Moren !
(cry louder)
Telai: See she had a stupid name, and a song that has a title that do not have a relation to the subject, and shes fond of herself, shes really dumb.
Ed: Well now I think she really is..Well guys sorry that our first episode turn out to be lyk this...
TM: Ur mean people.. Yes u are!! It is not my fault being stupid..
(TM walked out crying)
Ed: oh well I think that it all the time we have..
(Telai laughing)
Ed: dont laugh telai. it is the end of our show.
Telai: Well then.. see us again for another exciting episode of the Telai & Ed talk show
(applause)
(curtain close)
Warning: The names and characters used in this show are purely fictional. Anything related to real life is just a co-incidence. Seriously!
Episode 1
Telai: Hi guys!
Ed: Hi to all!
Telai: My name is Telai..
Ed: and my name is Ed..
Telai & Ed: And this is the Telai & Ed talk show
(applause)
Telai: We wanna welcome u guys to our very 1st episode and we are here to present you our 1st ever guest.
Ed: Let us all welcome TM..
(applause again.. recorded)
Ed: By the way TM is a very popular singer.
Telai: Really? I only heard her just now.
Ed: Me too but they say shes popular.
Telai: Anyway let's just interview her...
Ed: Anyway shes popular now coz shes in our show...
Telai: Yes..
Telai: So TM, why do u have such a name. does it stand for anything?
TM: Yes of course. "M" stands for Moren short for Moreno.
Ed: Kinda like Herman Moreno. Oh cool. What about your 1st name?
TM: It stands for my first name. But it doesn't sound gud that is why preferred to be called "TM".
Telai: O rly! We really wanna know...
TM: Alright, "T" stands for "Tangna". So my full name is Tangna Moren. Got it?
Ed: Yeah ur ryt. It doesn't sound nice, at all..
TM: Told yeah!!
Telai: Alryt now, lets go to the singing part. They say ur a popular singer.
TM: Yeah I am.
Telai: So what have u been doin lately?
Ed: Duh. I believe she was singing!
Telai: Cmon ed.. singers do not sing all the time.. they also do sumthin else, lyk u know, dancin, eating, drinking & having sex, I think.
Ed: Well yah. ur kinda ryt.so TM, do u do all those things.
TM: Well lately Ive been writing some songs.
Welai: Wow that is great.. so what's the title of the song..
TM: It is called "Im beautiful, Im Sexy, Im pretty."
Telai: Oh really now! You have too much of urself.
Ed: Telai do not treat our guest lyk that.. anyway..what is the song all about?
TM: Well it is about u know world peace and evrything. honestly I really dont know
Telai: I told u ed. I think shes stupid.
TM: What did you just say??
Ed: Telai, what ru doing? Be nice to her..
Telai: Well Ed Id try to but I think shes really stupid..
Ed: Stop it telai, shell be crying in no time.. Well TM can u sing that song for us?!
TM: Sorry but I cant.. Ive just finished writing it so soI dont have a melody yet..
Telai: See! Shes really stupid..Were wasting our time here...
(TM starts to cry)
Ed: dont cry tangna Moren !
(cry louder)
Telai: See she had a stupid name, and a song that has a title that do not have a relation to the subject, and shes fond of herself, shes really dumb.
Ed: Well now I think she really is..Well guys sorry that our first episode turn out to be lyk this...
TM: Ur mean people.. Yes u are!! It is not my fault being stupid..
(TM walked out crying)
Ed: oh well I think that it all the time we have..
(Telai laughing)
Ed: dont laugh telai. it is the end of our show.
Telai: Well then.. see us again for another exciting episode of the Telai & Ed talk show
(applause)
(curtain close)
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